wantedhelp

Told my wife of 10 years that I wasn't happy, It brought out a lot of feelings between both of us. We have been forcing ourselves to do things with the other person, but it's a chore. I do not enjoy kissing her, or holding her, etc. SHe still enjoys those things. We also have 3 kids.

We even have been trying that 7 days of sex and it's ok, I still a m not really into it.

The last thing we could try I guess is counseling. My feeling is you shouldn't have to TRY that hard to kiss or like someone.

Cloudy1

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

Can you elaborate on what it used to be like? I assume that you haven't always felt this way, otherwise you would probably not be married at all. When/what occured that made your feelings start to change?

wantedhelp

It's been so long since I've felt that I can't recall too many times like that. I am not sure I even enjoyed our honeymoon. Since that, we haven't really done much. We did go on a vacation to Germany but we were with family. When I traveled to Florida a few weeks ago, I would see husbands and their wives out doing stuff together and would always think "there is no way I would want to do that with my wife" SOmething as simple as Kayaking for example. I am away from the house lots, as all the things I enjoy, she hates. Physically I am not attracted to her.

Cloudy1

That's tough. While I'm not the best person to be giving advice (as I'm working through my own marriage problems at the moment), I was told yesterday by my aunt that if you feel any bit of love, lust, passion, any ounce of anything for your spouse then you should fight for it. But I guess if none of that is there then what are you or your spouse gaining from the relationship? Something to ponder.

wantedhelp

I think we are there out of comfort and also for the kids. I compare our relationship to that of roommates.

Cloudy1

I understand, convenience, going through the motions, that's where I'm at in my relationship as well.

I have taken a step back at my marriage and thought, "what's my daughter learning about relationships by observing us?" That question to myself was the reason that I started instigating arguments with my husband, I did not want her to see her mom as a doormat and thus become one later in life. I know that my choice is not right and I'm still not setting a good example for her.

On the flip side, what does a child learn from a loveless relationship?I would suspect that they end up like me, having never observed love between my parents and now I'm incapable of showing love in my marriage and now have problems of my own.

I guess what I'm saying with my rambling is that if you're staying in it for the kids then really consider what you are teaching your kids by the example you're setting for them in your marriage.

risky

wantedhelp,

How did you approach your wife? Just curious as to i feel the same way towards my husband and am planning to tell him something this week.

Thanks!