My problem is that i am so alone in trying to make the most difficult decision in my life and i need your help...My husband is the most controlling, bullying, hateful person i have ever come across even my/his children cant bare him any more.
I am ready to ask for a divorce but am so scared of the reaction i will get. I have been controlled by him and his narcissistic ways for over 23 years and i really am at the end of my tether.
I have been physically and constantly verbally abused for some time now, i had to call the police last year when he thought it was as good idea to smack my head on the concrete floor, but as i am sure a lot of people know - they say sorry and it will never happen again! (the police did want to prosecute but i did not want to take it any further as it may ruin him)
I am fed up with being the last thought in our relationship, i am fed up with not being spoken to with some respect, i am fed up with it all being about this so called man.
I could write a book on his abusive behaviour, but I would never disclose his name - WHY ?
I am sH1t in his eyes, so please please tell me WHY i still put up with this crap...
Get help from family and seek a woman's protection system in your community to get a restraining order to leave the abuse once and for all. As a child from such a situation, your life is NOT the only one being affected, permanently.
I am sH1t in his eyes, so please please tell me WHY i still put up with this crap...
No one can answer that for you. You will have to begin counseling so you can figure it out for yourself. I can tell you that you are not alone. Most women tolerate abuse for many years just like you have. Some finally wise up and get sick of it, and some never do. But all need counseling to discover their non-existent self esteem. Please begin your process of discovery by accepting the fact that you don't have to ask his permission for anything at all. If you want a divorce, then get a divorce. You don't need anyone's permission or approval.
Also when you see your counselor..do not hold anything back tell him or her everything, don't be scared..living in fear is not right for you or your kids..now if he gets violent do not be afraid to dial 911 or at least grab kids and go to a relative..if he wants to know what u are up to as far as counseling tell him you have a doctor appt.. if he wants to know what for say for your yearly female exam..please please don't feel guilty..none of his abuse is your fault...please do what you know is right for you and kids..please promise you will do this Posted via Mobile Device
If you are in the United States, there are safe houses in pretty much every county and major city. They will take you and your children in. They are hidden so that abusers cannot find you. They will give you all kinds of advice you need, legal, medical, etc. and will give you clothes and other things if you need them.
Look them up in the phone book and call.
You are afraid to "ruin" him, but what he's going to do next time is crack your skull and either give you brain damage or kill you. Who will care for the children if that happens?
What is it that you are afraid of, if he is ruined--is it that he will lose his job/career; that he will go to jail; or that he will seek revenge? Or all of these, or something else?
Do you have a brother or relative that can show him what it feels like to be hit? Someone to protect you all and stay with?
There's help out there,pick up the phone before its too late,think about the kids Posted via Mobile Device
Please call your father, brother, uncle or someone strong from your family to help you move yourself and kids somewhere else, somewhere your husband doesn't know.
There is no excuse for physical abuse, NONE. Please start acting before you get hurt even more.
Hi.
Posting that was the first step. You told somebody, even if it is a bunch of strangers. In an abusive relationship it becomes very difficult to escape. The ultimate vicious circle.
You need to get some help in the real world becuasse your kids and you deserve better. Lets have a look at what you wrote..
Quote:
My problem is that i am so alone in trying to make the most difficult decision in my life and i need your help...My husband is the most controlling, bullying, hateful person i have ever come across even my/his children cant bare him any more.
I am ready to ask for a divorce but am so scared of the reaction i will get. I have been controlled by him and his narcissistic ways for over 23 years and i really am at the end of my tether.
I have been physically and constantly verbally abused for some time now, i had to call the police last year when he thought it was as good idea to smack my head on the concrete floor, but as i am sure a lot of people know - they say sorry and it will never happen again! (the police did want to prosecute but i did not want to take it any further as it may ruin him)
I am fed up with being the last thought in our relationship, i am fed up with not being spoken to with some respect, i am fed up with it all being about this so called man.
I could write a book on his abusive behaviour, but I would never disclose his name - WHY ?
I am sH1t in his eyes, so please please tell me WHY i still put up with this crap...
This is truly awful and you need to understand that you are not alone in this. His behaviour is NOT tolerated by society and it will come down really hard on him.
So here is a check list.
1 GET HELP.
Go to the directory and look up abuse help. Physical. Call them.
2. If he comes near you again you call the police and you prosecute. Ruining him is the least of your worries! Your kids are at stake here.
You need to talk to people about this. You need to get outside help, one of the worst things about abuse is that it stays inside the family and the perpetrator gets away with it for years. This is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but start by looking in the phone book and finding a support group. Professional help WILL be required. Escaping a Narcissistic is very, very difficult.
I don't think I can adequately express the helplessness that I feel in reading your OP.Not because of what you haven't done,but because of the reasons why you haven't.If it's mainly to do with the children,then talk to them and listen to what their hearts are saying.I lived the first 9-10 years of my life in a home where my father was constantly abusing my mother physically,emotionally and verbally.Living like that was hell on all of us,but the hardest part for me was constantly worrying that the worst might happen to my mom.I love my mom so very much and I remember watching her often back then as she would stare out the window lonely and worried and I felt so helpless in not knowing what I could do to help her.Maybe your kids feel the same way,so hopefully you can really listen to them as I'm sure they love you very much.Situations like yours often appear ambiguous to kids.They see their mom being abused,but she stays so they don't really know how to support you.If you take a firm direction and decide to leave I'm sure your children would support you 100%,as they've probably been feeling fearful and helpless partly because you sit in the limbo of indecision.
Life will get better for you if you decide to leave,as given your situation at present it can't get anything but better.They say every journey starts with that first step and I hope you take it.My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope that you and all mothers in your situation know how much you are loved and valued by your children who really just want the best for you.Take care and God bless.
You absolutely need to get out of the relationship right away and to have some support during the entire process. You can contact the police to have their assistance as you commence the divorce to protect yourself.
3Likes
i am so alone 
