pmiller

I am a new member here and have a couple threads in the 'Coping with Infidelity' forum.

I am posting this thread here looking for advice on questions I should ask while looking for a lawyer.

This is what I have so far.. please list others that I have overlooked.

If a wife is entitled to half of the money, is she also responsible for half the bills?
If so, and after she has decided she wants a divorce, how can I hold her accountable if she doesn't make enough money to pay her half?

Can I use her half of the money I earn to pay her half?
If so, what information do I have to keep to prove this during the divorce process?

How can I stop being financially responsible for her? She does have a job now.

Will I have to pay spousal support?

If she keeps her $800 / mo job, how much child support will I pay?
When does it start? Day of file for separation or when we no longer reside together?
If she will stay in the house, will that change the amount since she cannot afford it on her income?

How can I force her to move out of the house and deal with the decisions she has made?
How will this be possible with our 3 children?

Are gifts between us considered 'Marital Property'?
Are gifts to one of us from someone else?

She has removed my firearm from the house and 'hidden' it.
If she refused to return it to me, can I report is stolen?

Pluto2

I don't mean to be mean, but all you are thinking about is the money, and you mentioned child support. So their are children. What about custody, visitation, maintaining relationships with distant family members, school notifications? Its not all about money.

OldWolf57

tell her you think she gave your firearm to POSOM to protect him from you. so not only is she cheating on you, she is wishing him to do you harm, the father of her children, after all you has done for her. Also tell her you are going to file thief charges against her for your firearm, as it is registered in your name. That way you have a report if whoever she gave it to to keep do something dumb with it. YOU REALLY have to protect your concerning firearms. The lawyer ?? can best be answered by one in your area. support differ from place to place, so does who keeps the house. Some judges will order it sold, some will award it to the primary children minder, until kids leave home, then it is sold and proceeds split. But PLZ, tell the lawyer about the firearm and your fears, because YOU are responsible for it. Do not di*k aound about this.

pmiller

Pluto: I understand your comments, but this isn't the whole list of my questions.. The first ones on my list are considering my kids.. Custody, how to get 50/50 (I know I won't get sole)
Visitation, how do we setup.. how is it handled?

As far as my family, she doesn't speak to them, hasn't in years. Hers, I talk to her parents occasionally.. not worried about that.

Didn't think about schools, figured nothing would change there unless one of us told them otherwise.


OldWolf57: I am 99.999% positive I know where the gun is.. if I'm right, it's just as safe if it were at my house. I know she didn't give it to her AP.. wouldn't bother lying about that part. Firearms don't have to be registered where I live.. so that isn't an issue either. But, pulling the trigger on reporting it stolen will only cause more unneeded drama. Will if I have to, but wold rather not.

Thor

I think this is a problem. Either she fears you, or she is setting you up. FWIW, I believe all weapons should be removed or at the least deactivated during a divorce. Too many times false charges are made, so if the weapons are out of the house it is more difficult to make the case against you.

Is there some reason to fear you? If you have a bad temper or have a history of depression then you should be addressing this first with a qualified therapist.

Assuming there is no good reason to fear you having access to the firearm, yes I think you should discuss with your lawyer the gun situation. Is there registration where you live? Is there a (stupid!) law requiring notification of a stolen firearm? Is the firearm listed on a concealed weapon license or otherwise linked to you in a government license? All of these pose the possibility of complications for you. The fact that the gun is out of your physical control is a problem if the police are going to come knocking on your door if it is involved any bad scenario.

The other factor is that it is a valuable marital asset which needs to be accounted for. What else might she be hiding from you? Who is she giving stuff to which belongs to you? I think your lawyer needs to be involved.

pmiller

I understand your concerns, but no.. there has never been a reason for her to fear me or to fear that I might hurt myself. I have never acted violent towards her or the kids.

I wouldn't think she would set me up.. she told me she hid it nd I am pretty sure she took it to a friends house. Like I said (maybe in another thread) if it is at her friends house, it is just as safe as it would be here. It's just out of my control and considering what it is, I am not too comfortable about it.

I had planned on removing it from the house myself at some point, she just beat me to the punch. I told her I wanted it back, but she didn't really respond. She most likely took it because it was an anniversary gift from her. She has been getting rid of the things I have bought her over the years as well. I don't think she has sold it (she also said she didn't). I'm sure it's just a game or advice from her friend.

I have a couple lawyer consults coming up and will be sure to ask them about it. If they advise me to report it, I will tell her that if it isn't back by the next day, I will be calling the police. I don't really want to get the police involved in my issues here, but I do need to protect myself if something were to happen.

No, there isn't a requirement to register it where I live. I haven't gotten my CCW yet and as far as I know, there isn't any government documents that tie me to it. Only my prints all over it and the ammo loaded into it.

There is a shotgun also taken from the house. It's our sons. (an EA partner of hers gave it to with without my knowledge or consent, she said she didn't know he was going to give it to him until they were at his house.. that also turned out to be a load of BS) A different friend of hers gave her a gun a few months ago (due to her getting too 'friendly' with a guy who ended up stalking her) and I haven't seen that one in months. I ended up finding that one in her car while looking for a tire gauge. That was an interesting convo considering I knew nothing about it or the guy stalking her.

OldWolf57

here, the law is stupid when firearms are mentioned whatsoever. just want you covering your as* there. i think you said he said something stupid at her friends house. maybe your wife saw somethung in your eyes that made her fearful for him, so maybe in a way, she is trying to keep you out of trouble. you wouldn't be any good to her doing a long stretch. I'll give you something else to ponder too. Remember the 10min hug an crying?? Maybe it wasn't a cry for help, but crying because she wants to go so bad, but you won't let her and she is crying for the hurt she is doing just to get away. I'm not trying to talk you into anything, just giving you another point of view. Considering the way you she carried on before you made it official.

keko

Umm, you might want to buy another firearm and keep it under your pillow until the divorce is over.

pmiller

I don't remember saying that anyone said anything stupid as at a friends house... and the friend who I think has it is female and has been a friend for years.. possibly who is giving her advice.. who knows

and like I said before, I don't have her chained up.. she can leave whenever she wants.. just because I wanted to stay together and work on things doesn't mean that she HAS to stay.

I have given her the option in the past, a couple times, I even told her I would go and keep paying for everything.. she didn't take me up on it. She wasn't even interested in it what so ever. So I don't buy that she is crying because she can't leave at all.

PBear

In terms of your money questions, keep track of all the joint bills you pay. Then if there's equity in your house and it gets sold, you might get that money back before the equity is split.

With regard to spousal and child support, it depends on where you live and how much you both earn not just her. But there's likely not to be any payments changing hands until one of you moves out.

With regard to "kicking her out", she's just as entitled to live in the house as you are. Talk to your lawyer about your options,though.

C
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