i left.. now i'm back...

Coffee Amore · 06-17-2012, 02:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cocovas09

after a month of continuous fighting there is finally some relief. but it's not without complications.

last night i agreed to another year of compromise. but with conditions. i had this burr up my ass to buy a condo, and now i have no interest in investing in a property with him until he breaks the news. he said he will transfer his car into my name. and he agreed to take me off the lease that we have. i am keeping the money that i took back when i decided to leave... about 14k now.

but i can already sense my feelings for him changing. i dont care as much for him. i resent him a lot. which is why i'm separating myself from him. if ever i feel the urge to leave for good, i can. i was contracted on the leasing agreement which if i hadnt come back to live i would have been out $2k....which wasnt the only.. but the most expensive reason to come back to live with him... which got me stuck back here in the first place. i've researched a few apartments closest to my work that i can afford on my salary... my escape route is ready.

on the other hand i'm SO RELIEVED that our relationship is back to normal. there is a caring for each other again.. rather than wishing each other pain and agony. on a daily basis life is happy. he is considerate.. sex is good. right now he's buying me a sandwich from publix... which he would NEVER do... i'm always responsible for dinner... and we're having a picnic by the pool tonight. again.. it would NEVER happen usually.

he's agreed to go to therapy with me to help me cope with the insecurities he's causing me.. because i think he really does understand how much all this messes with my head. so yall wish me luck. i guess the worst thing that can happen is that he'll leave me for some random brown chick who was forced on him. in which case i am totally and pathetically prepared for.. and i guess the best thing that can happen is some members of the Vas family fall off a cliff or something. either way... i am completely hopeful that everything works out for me. i try so hard to be a good wife.. and a good person in general.. so hopefully karma will be nice to me.

thanks for everything for those who've cared enough to keep up with me. hopefully i will post soon with happy, positive updates!

cheers!

You're moving in the right direction. Therapy will give you better direction and hopefully, to him, the kick in the pants he so desperately needs to come clean to his family.

Out of curiosity, why wouldn't he buy you a sandwich from that place before? I don't get that.

cocovas09 · 06-17-2012, 11:37 AM

well, i guess he would if i made a big deal about it. he's lazy most of the time... he's a big, "i worked all day.. can you deal with dinner" kind of person. once he gets home.. he literally doesnt get up until the next morning. so a poolside picnic was his idea.. required effort on his part and a nice change...

cocovas09 · 06-22-2012, 05:41 PM

so i'm watching "forced into marriage" on the current network (which i didnt even know existed)... but it is the most eye opening documentary i've ever seen.. and so applicable to my situation..

it's about these girls who seek refuge in the agency who protect (usually) younger women who's parents are setting up their arranged marriages. their parents (and siblings) beat them and threaten them if they dont go through with the marriage. some of the counselors are survivors themselves and they're in the witness protection program in the UK because their parents have hired PIs to kill their own children. a 12 year old refused her neighbor's marriage proposal and he stabber her... and then stabbed himself.

now that is on a whole nother level than i could have even imagined. you know there's a lot of times that i forget what kind of country my hubs is from. just because he's sweet and kind and his friends are friendly and other people i've met who are from the area who i know are kind... i assume they all are. in reality.. people kill each other on the streets over cell phones. most people own serious weapons (machine guns.. even grenades)... it sort of has me fearing for my own safety and of course my hubs' safety now. i'm sure he's embarrassed about the possibility which is why he's never used it as an "excuse" ... but it was really eye opening for me. so thanks to all who are still paying attention to my life's dramas. yall are amazing..

and just as a little update.. we are doing great. getting along really well with lots of affection and happiness.

i hope everyone is also healthy and happy!! muah!

Coffee Amore · 06-22-2012, 06:05 PM

I've read those stories as well. It's very sad. It makes one appreciates all the freedoms we have in the west, especially as a woman. However, I think your life is probably safe.

I doubt that someone will come from his home country to kill you. He's a Hindu for one thing and most of the horror stories I've read are not of Hindus but of the dominant religion in his home country.

Anyway, it's good to have an update from you.