Lost, Heartbroken...need help (long post)
Hello All! This may go on for a while, I really appreciate anyone who reads it and/or offers me advice....
My wife and I are both 25 years old. We have been together for 6 years and married for 5. We have 2 wonderful, precious children! Somewhere around 4 years ago my wife had a miscarriage and went out of town to spend some time with her mom. Everything was fine until after she got back, she began to receive letters from her ex-boyfriend, whom she was with before me. I read the letters and they included such passages as "I had such a good time" "we crossed the line together", etc. I was really hurt by this, but she insisted to me that this guy was just trying to cause problems and nothing happened, though, other people told me that my wife was at the bar telling everyone that what the letters were implying was exactly what had happened. Still my wife insisted that this was not true and the people in question were being dishonest with me. I did not and still do not believe her, but, continued forward with the relationship. I don't want to make her out to be the only guilty party, I cheated on her about 2 years ago, I regretfully went to a swingers party with some friends of ours and did something I shouldn't have. I felt so bad about it that I had to tell her, and she got upset with me that I was giving her a hard time but she didn't even cheat on me. Fast forward to today, I still do not trust her, because she is just a dishonest person, former drug addict, in and out of prison her juvenile life. Then there is me never sent to the principal's office, never pulled over by the police... We got into a fight about a month ago because we were partying with some friends at our house..I stepped out for a cigarette and overheard her talking to her friends belittling me, telling them she is grown and her own woman and does not need speak with me about any decisions she makes. I was stunned to hear her speaking like this...I got pretty upset, and usually I am the type that will just keep everything inside and bottle it all up, but not this time. I decided to talk to her about it and everything else that was bothering me. We had a good calm discussion and were able to boil it down to I do not trust her. I was really pouring my heart out because I wanted it to work between us...I did something I probably shouldnt have, I asked her a "trap" question, one that I already knew the answer to, and as I suspected she lied to me.. She treats me like I am bad person for not trusting her, but she lies to me, what am I supposed to do??! I am at the point now where I don't want to be with her anymore, but I worry about the kids that I could not live without, I worry about hurting her feelings, because I truly do love her... I am beginning to question whether or not I even like her personality anymore. I do not think I will ever trust her the way I should.... Sorry this was so long, any help would be greatly appreciated...thank you!
|
Re: Lost, Heartbroken...need help (long post)
