I have to give it to you, Skal, for not jumping from one abusive relationship into another.....and another.....and another. That's the common pattern that results when women are mistreated. But you had more sense than that, and I commend you for it.
But, I don't believe worthwhile people should be disposable. I believe you and your husband deserve better, which is for you to try. I know you've been there, but you haven't been trying.
So, may I be a different voice and ask you to find a different kind of courage? Not the courage to leave but the courage to make an effort to change the dynamic of your relationship. You are like any other woman, and we women need to feel loved and desired, we need passion, and we need to be IN love. I believe it's worth trying to make that happen with your husband. May I ask you to give it a try for x amount of time?
I realize it is not commonly believed that people can change, but that's not always the case. It's possible you married an innocent (not worldly) man who hasn't much of a sex drive. But, you can educate him, and you can build his libido. The place to start with that is at his doctor's office. Make an appointment to have his testosterone levels checked. I bet they are off the grid and through the floor......laying somewhere in the basement. He can begin a hormone therapy that will make a dramatic difference. Then, there are books
, and videos
that will teach him how to please you in bed. The two of you can have big fun re-discovering each other and him learning how to rock your world.
Next, I also know how important it is for a woman to be able to look up to her man. His confidence and ability to win our admiration is what promotes love and respect. Yours may be an innocent and gentle man, whereas you need him to be stronger and more manly. There are books and sites for that also. I suggest he can begin by reading Alpha and Beta Male Traits
(you should read too) and other articles on Athol Kay's website, and get him the book, Married Man Sex Life Primer
. He doesn't have to follow Athol to the letter, but he'll learn a lot about the laws of attraction and how to pique your interest in him. That's all it appears your relationship is lacking. You need him to be less safe and less boring. He can learn what he needs to do.
Promise yourself (keep it to yourself) to give him a year and in that time, you have to allow yourself to both be supportive and to respond to his efforts. If he makes the effort, I believe you will find him as worthy and exciting as any man can be - any man who is worth being with, that is. I think making him the man you need him to be is worth your commitment for at least that measely year. There is no telling how many awful men you'd have to go through to get the one you hope to find, when you can make the good one you already have even better.