06-13-2012, 09:22 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
| | Where do I go from here? Long - Plz read
My husband and I have been married for 5 ½ years, we have two lovely children; one boy 10 & one girl 5, we live near our hometowns and have a great support system. We are an average family with the normal house and car payments but nothing more than that. My husband has always been a hard worker, but around 4 years ago his “hard worker” status went straight to a “workaholic” status. This is when our relationship problems started. He works a 40-50 hour a week mechanic job, then from that job goes out and does odd jobs for other people, and continues to help his dad on the farm. A normal week in our household was MAYBE getting to see him 40 minutes out of the day when he is coming and going from the house.
At first it was just the loneliness of him not being around. Then, it was the idea of him not getting to see the kids grow up and not being able to have a real face to face conversation with him. He would come home at night, eat, shower, maybe watch some TV, and then finally come to bed. I tried to stay awake so we could talk, I did this off and on for almost 6 months, but he was already stuck in his new routine which the kids and I did not seem to be a part of……. I did my best not to be a nagging wife, and to keep in mind that he was working hard for his family, both me and the kids and for his parents on their farm. But eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. The love and intimacy felt completely void. My husband and I had become nothing but roommates.
About six months ago we separated. This was not an easy conclusion, but it was one that my husband and I made together. He understood why I was so unhappy, and he told me honestly he didn’t know why he did the things he did and he didn’t know if he could stop. He was heartbroken to see the kids and I leave, which seemed so ironic to me considering he was never really there. We promised to work on our relationship in hopes of reuniting. The three months following the separation were almost like dating. We communicated openly about our needs, dreams, and hopes. Our children actually started to have a relationship with their father. It was as if the blinds had been lifted from his eyes and he had figured out what he was missing. Naturally the kids and I moved back in and we lived happily ever after….. For about two months.
My husband has started back into his old ways….. I have tried so hard to communicate with him and remind him of our goals we had made together, and the promises he had made to both the children and me. I just feel so hopeless now. I didn’t expect him to “CHANGE” I just expected him to try a little harder to make us a priority. I have thrown myself at his feet begging him to let me help in whatever way I can and he has done nothing but ignore me. My next attempt was asking him to go to marriage counseling with me. He said he would, but every time I schedule a meeting he would have something VERY IMPORTANT come up and he wouldn’t be able to make it….. What do I do now? Where do I turn? I feel as if it’s a lost cause, and I’m doing nothing but putting the kids and myself in the path for more hurt. Is my only option to leave again...?
Thank you for any thoughts or suggestions.... Feel free to ask me any questions or private message me.