He is expecting me to talk to him tomorrow!
i have no idea what to say or how to find the exit of this situation with less harm to anyone
It would appear no matter how many times you are advised not to be involved with your husband or be dragged into his mess you are going to go ahead and talk to him. Your not emotionally strong enough to handle his manipulation.
There is only one person today that can help you and that is yourself. Don't talk to your husband, you know he is going to convince you to let him back into your life and bed . Once this happens your world is going to go though trauma , what's next? You pay his gambling debt.
LVS: Please listen, your emotional and mental well being is dependent on you keep NC with your husband and all his shenagins. Posted via Mobile Device
Eli-Zor, you are right as well as all the other posters, I really appreciate your helpful posts i needed them.
I was soooo overwhelmed between my responsibilities, my jobs, and what happened. I wasn't able to have clarity of mind.
Eli-Zor, you are also right, I am not emotionally ready to handle his manipulations. I am not ready to any other man in my life i need to care of myself.
I was supposed to contact him today but i didn't want too and i feel much better.
Today his brother's friend (M) called me (the one who heard the conversation with my exh). He said he met my exh yesterday and spent 6 hours talking. (shake my head)
M was asking me to forgive my exh and give him one last chance, I said i forgive him i pray everyday for him i care for him but i can't live with him. He said if he get help and changed won't you go back to him? I said i left him because i lost every hope of the marriage and was about to lose hope in life. I hope he will get help and change for himself and for his kids.
M said he is going to contact him and offer him support if he is willing to get help and he asked if i agree that he mentions that he spoke to me. I said if you want his benefits you should not put my name in your conversation because this is going to give him a false hope plus if he tries to change because he hope to go back to me then he will never change at the opposite he will pretend that he changed but this won't last... the real change happens when he really wants to change for HIMSELF and this is going to take years of treatment because he has a severe depression and disorder starting since his childhood...
Thumbs up on your response! Good luck! As far as the roommate thing goes, I really don't see what the benefit is to you. If you want a roommate for financial reasons, pick one who's not loony and doesn't empty their bank account gambling. If you want one for emotional reasons, get a dog. Either way, there's many reasons why he's your ex, and it's time for him to grow up and take ownership of his issues. Maybe in 3 to 5 years, you can go out on a coffee date.
If your ex was going to kill himself he would have already done it. When a person actually wants to commit suicide they just do it. He wants attention. He wants to guilt you into taking him in. Instead of trying to be a better person, this is his plan to get you back.
Please do not fall for this. It will put you and your children through hell.
If he tells you that he intends on killing himself. Tell him that you will call 911 and have them pick him up and check him into a mental health facility. You will see how fast he changes his tone. And if he does not.. .then let them pick him up and put in the mental ward for a few days.
She and my grandfather had been married 63 years when he passed 8 years ago.
They were Catholic.
He was a drinker...was abusive (my mom remembers) in the early part of their marriage. We had no idea what else went on, it was their marriage...right?
Well, my mom found journals of my gramma's. She talks about wanting to leave. She talks about divorce but how she couldn't because she was a "good Catholic woman".
She stayed in this abusive marriage until he died and it sucked her soul.
We didn't know this until the journals.
She had dreams! Dreams he squashed. She had unfulfilled needs. Needs he wouldn't meet. She resented her marriage, her children, her whole life.
From the outside, they were just two old people who had been married a long time. Yay! Not really. From reading her journals, my mom and I are learning a TON about this woman we never knew. A woman who let her religion basically keep her from living a fulfilling and loving life.
DO NOT BECOME my grandmother.
Catholicism is a bunch of rules created by people. Do you honestly think God would want you to suffer? Catholics don't believe in karma or past lives, so I won't go there...but as a Catholic, is it being a good Catholic to ruin your children's lives? Is being a good Catholic worth your soul?
You are not drowning. There is a rescue. It lies within you. You can save yourself. You can unwash your brain and realize that this life is meant for living. It's not meant to be someone's object of abuse. If you think that makes you a good Catholic, to be a martyr, then you are sadly mistaken.
Sure, divorce is frowned upon in "The Church" but this is NOT their lives! How hypocritical can a religion be? Shuffling child molesters from one church to another, but you can't get divorced without a clear conscience? That's crap.
YOU are in charge here...and if you so believe, so is God. All sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord, so i can't imagine divorce would weigh any more than lying to your neighbor or having lustful thoughts about that hot barrista.
Try to calm yourself so you are thinking with a clear head. Time to put on your big girl undies and stand up and say NO MORE! Take back what you've lost and accept that this is not working.
How "Catholic" is he to hold this above your head? Rules of religion piss me off. They are nothing more than a way to control the masses, and in this case, the rules are controlling your life.
You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself. You can choose to detach from him or you can choose to let him come back...but that's YOUR choice. he cannot make you do anything you don't want to do.
In regards to suicide, most people use it as a ploy to get people's sympathy so they can manipulate and twist fate the way they want to. I have known many people to say they were going to kill themselves...and they don't. I have had 2 people commit suicide, and it was without warning.
Do not let him manipulate you. Be in control and make your own choices. What those choices will be, i do not know. I do suggest some therapy for yourself as you seem to have trouble knowing your self worth.
She and my grandfather had been married 63 years when he passed 8 years ago.
They were Catholic.
He was a drinker...was abusive (my mom remembers) in the early part of their marriage. We had no idea what else went on, it was their marriage...right?
Well, my mom found journals of my gramma's. She talks about wanting to leave. She talks about divorce but how she couldn't because she was a "good Catholic woman".
She stayed in this abusive marriage until he died and it sucked her soul.
We didn't know this until the journals.
She had dreams! Dreams he squashed. She had unfulfilled needs. Needs he wouldn't meet. She resented her marriage, her children, her whole life.
From the outside, they were just two old people who had been married a long time. Yay! Not really. From reading her journals, my mom and I are learning a TON about this woman we never knew. A woman who let her religion basically keep her from living a fulfilling and loving life.
DO NOT BECOME my grandmother.
Catholicism is a bunch of rules created by people. Do you honestly think God would want you to suffer? Catholics don't believe in karma or past lives, so I won't go there...but as a Catholic, is it being a good Catholic to ruin your children's lives? Is being a good Catholic worth your soul?
You are not drowning. There is a rescue. It lies within you. You can save yourself. You can unwash your brain and realize that this life is meant for living. It's not meant to be someone's object of abuse. If you think that makes you a good Catholic, to be a martyr, then you are sadly mistaken.
Sure, divorce is frowned upon in "The Church" but this is NOT their lives! How hypocritical can a religion be? Shuffling child molesters from one church to another, but you can't get divorced without a clear conscience? That's crap.
YOU are in charge here...and if you so believe, so is God. All sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord, so i can't imagine divorce would weigh any more than lying to your neighbor or having lustful thoughts about that hot barrista.
Try to calm yourself so you are thinking with a clear head. Time to put on your big girl undies and stand up and say NO MORE! Take back what you've lost and accept that this is not working.
How "Catholic" is he to hold this above your head? Rules of religion piss me off. They are nothing more than a way to control the masses, and in this case, the rules are controlling your life.
You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself. You can choose to detach from him or you can choose to let him come back...but that's YOUR choice. he cannot make you do anything you don't want to do.
In regards to suicide, most people use it as a ploy to get people's sympathy so they can manipulate and twist fate the way they want to. I have known many people to say they were going to kill themselves...and they don't. I have had 2 people commit suicide, and it was without warning.
Do not let him manipulate you. Be in control and make your own choices. What those choices will be, i do not know. I do suggest some therapy for yourself as you seem to have trouble knowing your self worth.
Good luck and God bless.
There is nothing in Catholicism that even suggests that she would have to let an abusive, mentally off husband back into her home.
I have had priests tell me that my only option was to leave my husband and that divorce & annulment would be supported by the Church.
She and my grandfather had been married 63 years when he passed 8 years ago.
They were Catholic.
He was a drinker...was abusive (my mom remembers) in the early part of their marriage. We had no idea what else went on, it was their marriage...right?
Well, my mom found journals of my gramma's. She talks about wanting to leave. She talks about divorce but how she couldn't because she was a "good Catholic woman".
She stayed in this abusive marriage until he died and it sucked her soul.
We didn't know this until the journals.
She had dreams! Dreams he squashed. She had unfulfilled needs. Needs he wouldn't meet. She resented her marriage, her children, her whole life.
From the outside, they were just two old people who had been married a long time. Yay! Not really. From reading her journals, my mom and I are learning a TON about this woman we never knew. A woman who let her religion basically keep her from living a fulfilling and loving life.
DO NOT BECOME my grandmother.
Catholicism is a bunch of rules created by people. Do you honestly think God would want you to suffer? Catholics don't believe in karma or past lives, so I won't go there...but as a Catholic, is it being a good Catholic to ruin your children's lives? Is being a good Catholic worth your soul?
You are not drowning. There is a rescue. It lies within you. You can save yourself. You can unwash your brain and realize that this life is meant for living. It's not meant to be someone's object of abuse. If you think that makes you a good Catholic, to be a martyr, then you are sadly mistaken.
Sure, divorce is frowned upon in "The Church" but this is NOT their lives! How hypocritical can a religion be? Shuffling child molesters from one church to another, but you can't get divorced without a clear conscience? That's crap.
YOU are in charge here...and if you so believe, so is God. All sins are equal in the eyes of the Lord, so i can't imagine divorce would weigh any more than lying to your neighbor or having lustful thoughts about that hot barrista.
Try to calm yourself so you are thinking with a clear head. Time to put on your big girl undies and stand up and say NO MORE! Take back what you've lost and accept that this is not working.
How "Catholic" is he to hold this above your head? Rules of religion piss me off. They are nothing more than a way to control the masses, and in this case, the rules are controlling your life.
You can only control yourself. You can only change yourself. You can choose to detach from him or you can choose to let him come back...but that's YOUR choice. he cannot make you do anything you don't want to do.
In regards to suicide, most people use it as a ploy to get people's sympathy so they can manipulate and twist fate the way they want to. I have known many people to say they were going to kill themselves...and they don't. I have had 2 people commit suicide, and it was without warning.
Do not let him manipulate you. Be in control and make your own choices. What those choices will be, i do not know. I do suggest some therapy for yourself as you seem to have trouble knowing your self worth.
Good luck and God bless.
Thanks for sharing and sorry for your grandmother
Similar to your grandmother life, i was raised that no matter what the marriage needs to be for ever and the family comes first and this is what made me stuck for all these years BUT it was false way of raising and thinking about the marriage and the religion we all know that God loves us and wants us to be happy....
I have these documents i would like to share
the first says that the abuse in all its forms break the marriage
the second talks about the grounds of annulment in the Catholic church
In my case they set the ground for annulment: Defect of consent on account of grave lack of due discretion in the part of the petitioner.
Now because my exh refused the annulment and the judgment therefor after they finish their judgment which going to take around 4 months more or less, they will need to send it to another diocese to restart all the process and as the priest told me after the second diocese makes the judgment if my exh do not agree with it they will send it to Rome to restart all the process and investigation. However, the only way that makes the process shorter is for my exh to admit the judgment and let me go, which is not going to happen.
Today his brother's friend (M) called me (the one who heard the conversation with my exh). He said he met my exh yesterday and spent 6 hours talking. (shake my head)
M was asking me to forgive my exh and give him one last chance, I said i forgive him i pray everyday for him i care for him but i can't live with him. He said if he get help and changed won't you go back to him? I said i left him because i lost every hope of the marriage and was about to lose hope in life. I hope he will get help and change for himself and for his kids.
M said he is going to contact him and offer him support if he is willing to get help and he asked if i agree that he mentions that he spoke to me. I said if you want his benefits you should not put my name in your conversation because this is going to give him a false hope plus if he tries to change because he hope to go back to me then he will never change at the opposite he will pretend that he changed but this won't last... the real change happens when he really wants to change for HIMSELF and this is going to take years of treatment because he has a severe depression and disorder starting since his childhood...
You gave a great response , the only other suggestion is for you to block call from and go NC on anyone who has contact with him . He is using them to get to you. Posted via Mobile Device
... the only other suggestion is for you to block call from and go NC on anyone who has contact with him . He is using them to get to you. Posted via Mobile Device
Can i go NC with my kids those the most people he is trying to manipulate and use to get to me
My kids are paying the price....
My exh was expecting me to talk to him during my days off of work as i told him but i didn't and i wasn't feeling comfortable to talk to him after his threats.
Today he tried to call me i didn't pick up, he called my D19 and told her that he is waiting for me in the parking lot since i didn't call him so he needs to talk to me.
I texted him and said that i won't be able to talk and that i will email him later.
He kept calling and calling and calling and leaving voice messages... In one of them he said either i answer or he will come up knocking my door until i open it... I texted back that i have appointment and I am leaving and that i will email him later.
I had the appointment with my therapist so i had to leave knowing that he might stop me but i had to go.
He walked toward me asking me why i am doing that to him and ignoring him, and he was yelling and speaking very very loud, I said i have appointment and i need to leave and i don't feel comfortable to talk to him in person. He was raising his voice more, I asked him to lower his voice he refused i was closing my ears because it was irritating them. He kept yelling very loud and blocked my way i couldn't drive, I asked him to move he refused and kept yelling
I told him you have no right to talk to me this way plus i am not your wife anymore.
He screamed, you are my wife against your will.
I said only on the church papers.
He said you are my wife in front of God...
I left while he was threatening to kill himself..
I called my D19 to tell her to not answer his phone but it was late she was down there talking to him.
Later I knew from her that he called her to say bye and that he is going to kill himself, he also said the same to my S14. Both my kids ran to him to stop him from leaving then he said he is going to wait 24 hours but if no changes he is going to kill himself. He also called my D24 and told her the same.
I feel bad for my kids he is manipulating them and hurting them deeply
My S14 was asking me why i don't go back to his dad in my hands his life why would i let him die and that he changed and to let him at least be my roommate he won't act like the past he is different person now.... I told my son i love his dad but i can't live with him anymore. He said he doesn't want his dad to die. I told him can you do anything to change the situation he said no, i said what you can't change just pray about it and God will deal with it and will help you to feel better... I also told him i can't help your dad he needs to help himself and he needs professional help....
Later I knew from her that he called her to say bye and that he is going to kill himself, he also said the same to my S14. Both my kids ran to him to stop him from leaving then he said he is going to wait 24 hours but if no changes he is going to kill himself. He also called my D24 and told her the same.
He is a class act, he has done little of nothing to improve himself and show he is attractive to you.
Council your children and ask them not to take his calls as he is manipulating all of you. Remind yourself as he sprouts the religious jargon of being married in church he conveniently forgets according to his faith killing himself is not sanctioned by the church.
Everyone can see though him, distance yourself and your children from him for your own safety.
In one of them he said either i answer or he will come up knocking my door until i open it... I texted back that i have appointment and I am leaving and that i will email him later.
I had the appointment with my therapist so i had to leave knowing that he might stop me but i had to go.
He walked toward me asking me why i am doing that to him and ignoring him, and he was yelling and speaking very very loud, I said i have appointment and i need to leave and i don't feel comfortable to talk to him in person. He was raising his voice more, I asked him to lower his voice he refused i was closing my ears because it was irritating them. He kept yelling very loud and blocked my way i couldn't drive, I asked him to move he refused and kept yelling
Change the game and go to the police and find out what you can do to have harassment charges laid against him and in future call the police when he is there screaming at you. Stop returning his text messages, he plays up because he knows you will respond.
You gota toughen up girl , this guy is bad news and is not going to go away until you force the issue.
23Likes
Re: Drowning! No rescue! 
Not really. From reading her journals, my mom and I are learning a TON about this woman we never knew. A woman who let her religion basically keep her from living a fulfilling and loving life.
