hello and thank you for reading my post. This is my situation:
My husband and I have been married 8 years as of this month, we have had a rocky marriage to say the least, we lost our jobs in the economy and have had struggle after struggle since getting married. We have a strong spiritual connection, but there seems to be a hard time expressing emotions.
I thought for the most part we were okay, we talk everyday and get along as good friends. One day my husband snapped over a small thing I said to him which was sort of offensive, of course I apologized but this seemed to set off a never ending event or should I say it unleashed the years of bitterness and resentment he had towards me that he slowly saved up over the years.
He basically said "its over" I want a divorce. I was shell shocked at first and responded with the usual pleas for forgiveness before I decided it was best to "agree" with him and focus on myself. Now we don't argue but his emotions are out of control.
He has been stonewalling me for over a month now, we both lost our jobs recently so we are home with each other all day and everday. He sits on his laptop listening to Depeche Mode Ordinary World & Enjoy the silence all day long. His moods are drastic, one minute he seems like he hates me and the next he is slightly nice. No matter what his moods are, I am nice to him and never argue...he just seems to want to pick a fight regardless and convince himself that we are not compatible.
He is convinced that the zodiac stars are realigning and that we have no chemistry because of this, ok?!
I am willing to work through the issues with him but he didn't offer me that option, its pretty cut and dry "I want a divorce, now im not speaking to you ANYMORE at all" Now, this is coming from my best friend of 8 years.........
So, I am fine on the surface to keep it cordial but underneath it is tearing me up and making me ill. Our rental lease is up in 2 months and he told me then to stay until its over and we go our separate ways. OK, I agree to everything and let him know that I want him to be happy, I am here for him as a friend...
So now I have slowly started to get my own life, I go places on my own and listen to music, etc. He seems to be upset seeing me living my life without him, he is emotional and makes abrupt movements like going for sudden walks outside, but never speaks to me.
Im tired, I told him I will pay the last two months of rent ahead of time, but because I am in so much pain I need to leave. He says "don't go" stay till the lease is up. Then he blames me for putting him through pain for years. ok, why wont he just let me go? He is the one who wants the divorce, he seems to be convinced I don't love him, which is not true but I cant convince him otherwise.
It seems like he wants me to stay, yet doesn't want to be with me anymore. I found out he wrote a book about me and it was very disrespectful to say the least...I am frigid, etc...
I feel like the man I know has changed overnight, yet I feel like I am discovering the man that held all his feelings in for years without communicating to me and this is the outcome. Why wont he let me leave? I mean he doesn't talk to me, what does he want from me? I think he is depressed. He seems unstable but won't yield to any outside help or help from anyone including me...should I stay or just go?????????????
Well, the first question is whether or not there is anyone else. Is he communicating with a 'friend' via facebook? Does he do online gaming (many affairs start that way).
I Love You But I'm Not In Love With You (ILYBINILWY) is a very common thing for spouses in affairs to say. It is their way of signalling to you that their affections have transferred elsewhere. There is always an outside possibility that there is no one else, but judging by the number of people who hear this speech and then find out later there WAS someone else, I would say it has well over a 90% accuracy.
I am sure there is no one else, were always moving and hes a big introvert. He has started looking at models online though. It seems hes contemplating other types of potential women.
I am sure there is no one else, were always moving and hes a big introvert. He has started looking at models online though. It seems hes contemplating other types of potential women.
Oh, I realize that there isn't a real-life "other woman." My thought was that he had met someone online. It is extremely, extremely common these days. Emotional affairs don't require physical presence to turn into full-blown infatuations. If he is on the computer a lot, it would be easy enough to hide.
What happened is I was sick for awhile and I said "you don't care about me" I was going through a bad moment and had to have an outside family member take me the hospital...I said that because I didn't feel my spouse saw the urgency of my condition at the time.
That was nothing for him to get upset about and nothing for you to blame yourself for.
You have to get a hold on your life and your marriage because right now, you're leaving everything up to him. You say you will go. He says stay, so you stay......only to be rung through his ringer.
He clearly doesn't want the marriage to end, so go. Walk out the door tomorrow (today even). He won't be able to handle the idea of you leaving him. At least you will get a real reaction from him right then or within the next couple days. At that point, you will have turned the tables and have the upper hand. Tell him there is no way you will come back for him to keep acting like this. Make him promise to go to marriage counseling with you and make him keep his promise.
I really thing there is something else going on, something like some kind of mental/behavioral disorder that hasn't yet been diagnosed. All the more reason to seek counseling.
He is probably depressed from losing his job. DM is the music of the depressed.
I don't know where you live but a lot of communities have assistance or sliding scale help
for low income people. Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, another possibility is that he's deeply, deeply depressed. He expresses to you as anger because he is so down on himself. (That is NO excuse for his behavior, it's just an explanation.)
I agree with River, he needs a wakeup call to see that what he's doing is unacceptable. I can only assume he won't get counseling if you ask (have you asked?).
Drastic mood swings can also be symptoms of a bipolar condition, among other things.
Thank you for the replies. Yes, I do feel this is depression though of course he denies it. He has slowly looked at his life as negative, eliminating everything until now he is at me..Leaving is a good idea, cause he doesn't even have a car, if I leave it would leave him carless. He basically blames me for ruining his life...
He blames you? How does that go?
Does he ever say anything about being suicidal? I'm just wondering how depressed he is. Has he had a history of depression?
Also what are you both doing to find new jobs? Posted via Mobile Device
Well he blames me for everything that went wrong...I never wanted to get married, I never loved him, hes convinced my my family is possessed by demons....he has naturally always had anger issues, hes aries so I thought it was his zodiac personality. However, he seemed to snap and now he is consumed with this idea that "we were never really married," the planets are aligning, and he has not looked for any job. He never seems to initiate anything, he seems to be hopeless and lost. He just ignores me everyday for the most part listening to the music videos.
I want to leave, I guess, I mean I feel this is emotional abuse and passive aggressiveness...........its hard because I have pets and furniture lots of belongings to figure out what to do with and have no support anywhere nearby.
Well he blames me for everything that went wrong...I never wanted to get married, I never loved him, hes convinced my my family is possessed by demons....he has naturally always had anger issues, hes aries so I thought it was his zodiac personality. However, he seemed to snap and now he is consumed with this idea that "we were never really married," the planets are aligning, and he has not looked for any job. He never seems to initiate anything, he seems to be hopeless and lost. He just ignores me everyday for the most part listening to the music videos.
I want to leave, I guess, I mean I feel this is emotional abuse and passive aggressiveness...........its hard because I have pets and furniture lots of belongings to figure out what to do with and have no support anywhere nearby.
Mental illness? Schizophrenia? My friend suffers from that and bi-polar and thinks of demons and weird fate (star alignment) etc. When she's having an episode. It's bizarre to say the least. Posted via Mobile Device
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Help, my husband has gone mad? 
