stargazerlily

Here is my problem. I have had major self issues. I gained a lot of weight after my pregnancy 8years ago. I did not do much at all to get rid of it but I hated myself for it. I fell into a deep depression that i would not admit i had. I was always tired, never could sleep. Because of this I let our intimate side be affected by it. It would be maybe sometimes 5 times a month. Well somethings happened help and with our relationship that made me finally make that change. One was a girl at work he had become to close to and the other would be porn. I ended up finding 187g of it. Anyway instead of confronting him about i changed our sex life and made sure that was taken care of better. Well needless to say it did not stop him from doing looking up stuff. He would promise and then I would catch him and we went back and forth about it several time in the past year. I finally told him that we are going to start new. No more using the past but I asked that he no longer do that because until i can rebuild myself, it makes me feel worthless and not enough. He says that he does not want me to look like that but the fact is that if he can not stop because it is tearing what self esteem that i do build up then apparently there is something he is missing from me if he cant let go. We made a promise that if he messed up and looked at that stuff he would tell me and I would not keep throwing our past back at him but we start from the beginning. Well I found out that a week ago he did look at some stuff at work and of course he did not tell me. I just dont know what to do. He says I am asking him to be perfect but I am asking him to stop doing something that is making feel like crap. I dont know what to do. Am i really asking too much from him???? He asked me to let him know if i want him to leave but i really dont know. Apparently he does not respect me enough to stop or even to tell me that he messed up. Can this even work?? I really do not have any friends to talk to about this and I will not involve my family with my marriage issues.