06-19-2012, 03:52 PM
Join Date: Jun 2012
| | The right reasons to divorce?
I'm here because I have strange feelings about my situation.
My wife and I have been talking about divorce for a couple weeks now. There has been no infidelity and we never really fight. Sex is good for the most part, although her drive has gone down and she doesn't really initiate.
The problem is that we just don't have that "magic" anymore... that feeling like you can't wait to see each other, or a desire to spend time together. We were never terribly passionate, but we used to be proud of the fact that we never wore out each others company... we could be around each other constantly, we work together, commute together... you name it. The comfort is still there, the love is still there, but the fire is out... its like we're really good roomates or siblings now.
We've been married 10 years and have 2 kids. I think our relationship changed when we had our first. I didn't see myself ever having children, and for a long time, she didn't either... but I guess that biological clock got to ticking and we talked about it and decided to go ahead and do it. It turned out to be her calling, but I never really got with the program even though I did everything I was supposed to do to be a good father and husband.
More and more we just found ourselves doing different things. She enjoyed every moment with the kids, while I found it stressful. I guess I grew distant. I didn't mind staying late at work, I would go fishing and hunting more often or go work in the garage. I love my kids to death, but its like I could only stand a couple hours at a time before I would burn out and want to get away. She sensed this, we talked and tried to get more involved together but it just wasn't there.
The only things left are marriage counseling or divorce. Its just strange... we just devolved back into friends who help each other out, plus sex. We've both been feeling like the deeper love is gone and we're just in it for the kids. We both have advanced educations and see things in a rational way, and neither of us really wants to do marriage counseling. We went to one guy one time and ended up being pretty dismissive of it... like the guy was just telling us things we already know or wasn't really listening.
I don't really know what I'm asking. I guess the question is, do people really divorce without the usual fireworks? My wife and I could be divorced right now and I don't think a thing about us would change other than not living together and having sex.
We keep talking about it, but nobody pulls the trigger. Its bizzare.