Threatening suicide!!
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

Like Tree1Likes
  • 1 Post By Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-19-2012, 04:44 PM   #1 (permalink)
LVS
Member
 
LVS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: California
Posts: 684
Default Threatening suicide!!

Suicide is not a game, even though some may use it as a manipulative way to drag the other person back to the relationship, others may be serious and put an end to their lives.

What did you do when your exh/w threatened to commit suicide if you don't go back to them?

Did you go back?

Did you call the police?

Was there other solution?

What happened afterward?
__________________
Le Vieux Sage
LVS is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-19-2012, 04:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,478
Default Re: Threatening suicide!!

I don't mess around with that ish. I had an ex kill himself. He'd tried to call me, tried to talk to me but I was too stubborn and bullheaded to see it at the time.

I starting getting all kinds of calls from his best friend at the time... I ignored him, too. Months later I found out what happened.

I wish I had just answered the phone.
Posted via Mobile Device
YinPrincess is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-19-2012, 05:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Hope1964's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Alberta
Posts: 6,662
Default Re: Threatening suicide!!

My ex husband used to do that to me all the time. The first couple times I did what he wanted me to. The next few times I ignored him. The last time was the night I left him for good - he did it after I left and then called a friend somewhere else in the country, who called the local police here, who hauled him off to emergency and then rehab. He actually did take pills a couple of times - there was one instance when I called the police/ambulance and he ended up spending a couple days in the psych ward.

I became immune to it after a while.

If my current husband did that, I would tell him he either needed to get some serious help or I am done with him. I refuse to go through that crap again. If he told me he'd just taken a bunch of pills, I would call the ambulance first and tell him later my intention to call it quits.
__________________
Our R

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy ~ Bob Hope
You only lose what you cling to.
Hope1964 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-19-2012, 05:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,309
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by YinPrincess View Post
I don't mess around with that ish. I had an ex kill himself. He'd tried to call me, tried to talk to me but I was too stubborn and bullheaded to see it at the time.

I starting getting all kinds of calls from his best friend at the time... I ignored him, too. Months later I found out what happened.

I wish I had just answered the phone.
Posted via Mobile Device
How far do you go, though? Do you stay married to someone because they threaten to kill themselves if you leave them?

I can't imagine how difficult of a decision this must be, and how guilty you must feel if something happens. I don't envy either of you!

LVS, I think "BadBlood" in here has a wife (or soon to be ex wife) currently in a treatment facility after threatening to harm herself. You may want to look him up.

C
Posted via Mobile Device
PBear is online now   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-19-2012, 05:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Homemaker_Numero_Uno's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3,861
Default Re: Threatening suicide!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by LVS View Post
Suicide is not a game, even though some may use it as a manipulative way to drag the other person back to the relationship, others may be serious and put an end to their lives.

What did you do when your exh/w threatened to commit suicide if you don't go back to them?

Did you go back?

Did you call the police?

Was there other solution?

What happened afterward?
My exH before he became ex but after I'd left and he was staying at my apartment trying to R, threatened suicide by car accident. I told him since he was just back from deployment that I was going to contact his unit to get him help, in that case. He then changed his story to wanting to suicide by car accident to make it look like an accident because all I wanted from him was his money so that way I could get it. I told him he was ridiculous, if I'd wanted his money why had I left him and was ready to file for divorce until HE had asked to R. He then said he was feeling abused I said if he felt that way he should leave and not be with me, that he really needed to take care of himself and go to his house (that he owned on his own, that was available to him as a place to live without me) so that he did not have to be with me as he was feeling 'abused.' And so forth.

It was all manipulation that might have worked had I not spent the entire year he was deployed in therapy.

After he threatened suicide by car and said that he'd had road rage driving back from spending Christmas Day with his family, and he swerved the car deliberately with me in it, I realized I could never go in a car with him again. So at that point the marriage was pretty much over. But I let it go on a bit more, regardless, thinking okay, we'll see how it goes even though I will never be able to be in a car with him again...but then it ended anyway.

I think he knew that since the threat of suicide and his allegation of feeling abused got met with calm responses where I didn't panic or beg or react trying to protect his feelings or give any reassurances or anything like that, just, wow, you have problems and you are a big boy and you should deal with them and look after yourself (and if you don't I'll do the right thing and get your commanding officer involved, as he already knows you raped me and cheated on me and lied to me, he won't be too surprised to hear you're now suicidal!...) ...all of this, that the marriage was over, as I wasn't willing to be jerked around any more.

My father committed suicide, and he knew this. So he was just trying to yank my chain. The truth is, I would not have felt guilty or anything if I had done the right thing and called his c.o. if he had persisted in the threat. I'm not a psych professional. Let him get involuntarily admitted if he wants to threaten suicide. Then he can explain to someone how he was just jerking me around, and if they believe him, great, if they don't, well, he'll be committed according to the law here. Up to 10 days at the third-day hearing, and three days initially just because he made the threat. As his next of kin, I could have got guardianship and then his butt could have spent a long time in the state hospital.

Once I decided to play hardball back and not get emotionally involved, I think he got a bit scared.

Oh, you want to crash your car? I'm so sorry. Let me call your commanding officer and let him know so you can get the help you need. You've had such a rough year, being exposed as a cheat and a liar, and having that awful desk job in Kuwait you spent the year bragging about. Obviously having a close family member commit suicide didn't stop my life. It changed it, but it's not like I never laughed again. The only thing it did was make me more committed to my own mental and emotional health, which means, not getting overly involved or feeling responsible when I do the right thing when someone else threatens suicide, because really, that's all you can do.
Homemaker_Numero_Uno is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 06-19-2012, 06:22 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,478
Default Re: Threatening suicide!!

PBear - in that situation I didn't know my ex was suicidal until it was too late.

If someone told me they were depressed and wanting to hurt themselves, I'd probably just be there for them and try to help them through it. I've been there a few times in my life, so it would still be hard for me to see that someone else may be serious about it. I would think that they just wanted love and comfort.

I would do anything BUT ignore it again.
Posted via Mobile Device
YinPrincess is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Hubby threatening suicide Confusedlot General Relationship Discussion 8 01-04-2012 12:30 PM
Another Man Threatening Our Healing hurtnohio Coping with Infidelity 46 11-03-2011 10:11 PM
always threatening to leave golfergirl Considering Divorce or Separation 1 04-01-2011 09:58 AM
He is Threatening Divorce Again PLEASE HELP thebia General Relationship Discussion 11 06-26-2010 06:21 PM
Update-13yo daughter's friend threatening suicide swedish General Relationship Discussion 40 07-22-2009 04:34 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:04 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.