Originally Posted by LVS
Suicide is not a game, even though some may use it as a manipulative way to drag the other person back to the relationship, others may be serious and put an end to their lives.
What did you do when your exh/w threatened to commit suicide if you don't go back to them?
Did you go back?
Did you call the police?
Was there other solution?
What happened afterward?
My exH before he became ex but after I'd left and he was staying at my apartment trying to R, threatened suicide by car accident. I told him since he was just back from deployment that I was going to contact his unit to get him help, in that case. He then changed his story to wanting to suicide by car accident to make it look like an accident because all I wanted from him was his money so that way I could get it. I told him he was ridiculous, if I'd wanted his money why had I left him and was ready to file for divorce until HE had asked to R. He then said he was feeling abused
I said if he felt that way he should leave and not be with me, that he really needed to take care of himself and go to his house (that he owned on his own, that was available to him as a place to live without me) so that he did not have to be with me as he was feeling 'abused.' And so forth.
It was all manipulation that might have worked had I not spent the entire year he was deployed in therapy.
After he threatened suicide by car and said that he'd had road rage driving back from spending Christmas Day with his family, and he swerved the car deliberately with me in it, I realized I could never go in a car with him again. So at that point the marriage was pretty much over. But I let it go on a bit more, regardless, thinking okay, we'll see how it goes even though I will never be able to be in a car with him again...but then it ended anyway.
I think he knew that since the threat of suicide and his allegation of feeling abused got met with calm responses where I didn't panic or beg or react trying to protect his feelings or give any reassurances or anything like that, just, wow, you have problems and you are a big boy and you should deal with them and look after yourself (and if you don't I'll do the right thing and get your commanding officer involved, as he already knows you raped me and cheated on me and lied to me, he won't be too surprised to hear you're now suicidal!...) ...all of this, that the marriage was over, as I wasn't willing to be jerked around any more.
My father committed suicide, and he knew this. So he was just trying to yank my chain. The truth is, I would not have felt guilty or anything if I had done the right thing and called his c.o. if he had persisted in the threat. I'm not a psych professional. Let him get involuntarily admitted if he wants to threaten suicide. Then he can explain to someone how he was just jerking me around, and if they believe him, great, if they don't, well, he'll be committed according to the law here. Up to 10 days at the third-day hearing, and three days initially just because he made the threat. As his next of kin, I could have got guardianship and then his butt could have spent a long time in the state hospital.
Once I decided to play hardball back and not get emotionally involved, I think he got a bit scared.
Oh, you want to crash your car? I'm so sorry. Let me call your commanding officer and let him know so you can get the help you need. You've had such a rough year, being exposed as a cheat and a liar, and having that awful desk job in Kuwait you spent the year bragging about. Obviously having a close family member commit suicide didn't stop my life. It changed it, but it's not like I never laughed again. The only thing it did was make me more committed to my own mental and emotional health, which means, not getting overly involved or feeling responsible when I do the right thing when someone else threatens suicide, because really, that's all you can do.