I truly beg your forgiveness because I know you tried to explain things, but I am extremely confused. I feel like you said an awful lot without actually saying anything. I get the message that you've been thinking about divorce, but I don't quite understand why. I also need you to explain what a few of your sentences mean, please. I found out a month later that she had been with another man that day in my home.
Are you saying she slept with another man? Yes, I know I need specifics, but I'm the kind of person who would rather not try to work through vague statements. however she still does not have the emotional connection to me that is needed
Does this lack of emotional connection mean the same as when she first said she doesn't have emotional connection? Or, does it mean the two of you are not having sex? Once again rather than letting her try to mend things I did.
I don't understand this one at all. You had her move out (into the finished basement) after finding out what she did. But, what does this statement mean?
What I understand of your post is that your wife had an affair. You made her move into the basement and forgave her 4 days later. You both are attending marriage counseling and things are getting better. You are still close friends but not lovers (I assume), but she is not able to get close again. You are thinking about divorce after trying your best to mend the marriage. She wants to keep trying, but you don't think it will work. You don't think she will ever feel connected to you again, and you don't want to grow to resent and dislike her for that.
Am I right? Did I miss anything?
1. I don't believe you have forgiven her for the affair, especially since you say you don't like her. How to Survive an Affair Plan A and Plan B How Can Trust Be Restored After an Affair
2. You said you have done all that you can do, but you don't say what you have done. What exactly have you done? Please be specific. And for what reason have done you them? What problems did you want your efforts to address? What outcome did you hope your efforts to accomplish? I ask these questions because I don't understand your post in terms of what exactly the problem is and how it relates to the advice/information/comments/support that you seek. Sorry, but like I said I'm confused. I really think your wife needs you to make her fall in love with you again. You know, like you did the first time. Frankly, you both need it, so you both should read these articles and books and do the questionnaires together. Summary of Basic Concepts
, click and read each topic on the left side ribbon bar. His Needs, Her Needs Fireproof The Love Dare
Fireproof is a movie you can rent, buy, or borrow from the library. The Love Dare is the book that accompanies the movie. Here is a good explanation
of the book so you know what it is about.
If you take my advice, you both have a lot of reading, learning, and talking to do that should keep you busy working on your marriage, your behaviors, and your feelings for a very long a time. Take your time and enjoy it. When doing each questionnaire, print out 2 copies - one for you and one for her. Give yourselves a time frame (1 week? 10 days? two weeks?) to fill in the blanks, When you both are done, read each other's questionnaire. You have to obligate yourselves to work on ceasing behaviors that the other doesn't like. At the end of 3 months, candidly but amicably discuss your progress. Make learning to fall in love with each other and satisfying each other's needs the number one mission in your marriage.
3. To help improve affection, intimacy, and your sex life, asking for it or hoping for it doesn't mean you're working on it. How Can A Husband Receive The Sex He Needs Married Man Sex Life Primer Alpha/Beta Male Traits
And just good information...... What Every Husband Should Know About His Wife What Every Wife Should Know About Her Husband