unhappy_mama

I have been married to my husband for almost 8 years. I don't like sex. I have never really been that sexually attracted to him and he wants sex all the time. I married him because we had a lot in common and we had fun together. However, I was only 18 when I met him and VERY naive. We were together for 2 1/2 years before we got married, so I thought I was ready to do this. He is an alcoholic and I had no idea until we moved in together after we got married. I coped with this by drinking too. Now we have 2 kids and I stopped all together while he continues to drink. I have asked him so many times to stop, even tried to leave for a week away from him. He will quit for a week or two and go right back. He has let me down so many times I don't think I have any respect or love left for him. Between the drinking and the pressure for sex I don't want, I want a divorce but I'm afraid of messing up my kids. What should I do?

anchorwatch

You need to get your self to a Al-Anon meeting. Don't be afraid to go. There are people there that went through just what your going through. They will guide you and help you. They are there for you, use them. They will help you get back on you feet, so you can take care of yourself and your kids.
They will guide you to deal with his addiction and how to get him into AA

Here is the link, look up a meting near you. Welcome to Al-Anon Family Groups

And put you post in the Relationships and Addiction area.

Good luck.

enso

I would first try marriage counseling and AA. If you have tried all possible options to fix the marriage then would not think divorce is better for kids then being with two unhappy people?
Personally I think more harm is done to children mentally with unhappy marriages then living with happy single parent. The key is to keep communication open and allow father have equal custody if you go the divorce route and avoid fights and using children to get back at each other.

Reese100

If he has tried and hasn't been able to quit, you need to find him the right therapist. Take a look at this book, there are chapters on addiction and difficult relationships.

Amazon.com: Getting Past Your Past: Take Control of Your Life with Self-Help Techniques from EMDR Therapy (9781594864254): Francine Shapiro: Books


Once you get a better handle on why things are happening, and some self-help techniques to steady you, you can access a good therapist with the information in the Appendix. I also completely agree with enso. AA, therapy and don't stay together for the sake of the children. They need a stable environment with well adjusted parents. Staying with an alcoholic while you are desperately unhappy is not the answer.

I wish you well.

Feelinglonely76

You owe it to your children to do everything you can. They need to know when they get older that you tried your best and that you did not give up. I have seen too many friends with divorced parents that have given up too easily and they are scared. The friends I have that feel that their parents tried everything in their power to make it work fare much better
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Reese100

I agree that everything should be tried. AA, individual therapy for both and couples therapy. But then a decision should be made whether both can be happy in the relationship. If not, then it's time to quit.