He's verbally abusive..will he change?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » He's verbally abusive..will he change?

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 06-21-2012, 09:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He's verbally abusive..will he change?

My DH and I have only been married for 9 months and have been together for almost 7 years (will be 7 years in 11 days). He has done a lot of things to me to break my trust and hurt me in the past. He cheated on me twice in the beginning of our relationship. I forgave him after the first time (7 months into our relationship). The second time happened almost 2 years into our relationship, but I only found out about it right before we got married when he came clean about it. He has also text a few girls behind my back, one of which he was talking about inappropriate stuff with but nothing happened with them. Anyway, my point is, he has ruined my trust many times. He has also lied about many things including porn, buying weed, and stuff like that. He isn't all bad. We have a great sex life, he's very affectionate, compliments me all the time, works hard to provide for us, and I know he really loves me. He's also verbally abusive if he gets REALLY mad. He will call me names and say hurtful things. He always comes and apologizes and fully admits it's wrong and needs to change, but then he will just do it again the next time we get into it with each other. He's frustrated and feels like he's on a tight leash and can't go out with buddies enough and go places without my "permission" but it's only because of what HE has done to me. He has made me like this. I'm trying so hard to get him to realize that he's going to push us into divorce, but he's just not taking me seriously. He came up to me today, and said he's sorry and that he will really try hard to make things work and that I'm his world, but I know it won't last. Any time I come and try to talk to him about anything, he just gets mad. I have no one to talk to. I don't share our problems with anyone, so I suffer in silence all alone. I have suggested marriage counseling, but he doesn't want to share our business with a stranger. I'm just lost and don't know what to do. To put it simply, we have major trust issues, he doesn't respect me, and has a bad temper.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

from what ive seen it usually escalates.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

It will get worse. He won't change until he wants to, and he may never want to.

Sorry you are in this situation, but he showed you who he was from the beginning.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

He really needs individual counseling, and you both need marriage counseling. This kind of thing usually gets better on its own.
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

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Originally Posted by Kathrynthegreat View Post
He really needs individual counseling, and you both need marriage counseling. This kind of thing usually gets better on its own.
dont you mean rarely gets better on its own?
not to pick or anything
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Old 06-21-2012, 10:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

i dont know how you still married him after he cheated on you TWICE before you even got married tbh. :/
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Old 06-26-2012, 12:28 AM   #7 (permalink)
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I married him anyway, because I truly love him and I thought marriage would be the serious step we needed. Plus, as I said, he cheated very early on in our relationship. The first time was only 7 months into it and he came clean about it. We waited over 6 years to get married, so I just figured with it being that early on, it wasn't that serious yet. It was still wrong, but I chose to forgive him.
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i dont know how you still married him after he cheated on you TWICE before you even got married tbh. :/
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Old 06-26-2012, 08:07 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's verbally abusive..will he change?

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I married him anyway, because I truly love him and I thought marriage would be the serious step we needed. Plus, as I said, he cheated very early on in our relationship. The first time was only 7 months into it and he came clean about it. We waited over 6 years to get married, so I just figured with it being that early on, it wasn't that serious yet. It was still wrong, but I chose to forgive him.
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people need to realize, marriage wont fix problems in a relationship.
having babies wont fix problems in a relationship.

they both present new problems on their own. you should have a pretty solid foundation before introducing any new major changes.
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