lostinGA

My wife and I talked this evening about a counseling meeting I had today. It started well, I told her about the discussion and how I felt great about going and wanting to deal with some of my problems head on. Alot of the discussion centered on how I wanted to work through my problems (i was sexually abused when I was younger) and that I wanted to show my wife that I was capable of being the man she had been in love with. We talked for a couple of hours, then things started to turn a little sour. No raised voices or anything, but she just started back to her, I am so glad you went but it is not going to change how I feel, I am not in love with, I no longer have a spark for you. I normally respond that since we have been dumping crap on our relationship for a while it is no surprise there is no passion but that we had such passion I feel that we could have it again. Normally thats as far as we get, agree to disagree. This time however she says that for every action I try to change, cleaning more etc. Or any changes in thought, she has wanted to go to church with the kids, which I have no problem with but that I was not going to go, that it just builds even more resentment towards me. That it just makes her upset to think that when it is to late I offer these things. I understand what she is saying, but with all the silent treatment we have been giving each other I really have been doing some sole searching, nothing i have said or done is meant to simply show or talk change, it is genuine, I am open to more, I am dealing with issues in a way I never have before. I am open to a very long rebuilding process, I want to read books, try programs, whatever I am open to anything for help. She remains closed off to it all. Should I just stop talking about it? I don't want to just live in limbo waiting each day to find out if today is the day she is going to want to start the paperwork, but I dont want to push her away.