Isuck

So last night I had to go to the hospital and I was having a series of panic attacks and my heart kept racing faster and faster. I was on the phone with my cousin near the end of the 3rd one and she was going to call an ambulance for me as I couldn't breathe.

I drove myself there, checked myself in and they ran an ecg and monitored me for about 4 hours. Then the doctor sent me home with some pills to help counter the next panic attack.

Anyhow, my wife is an emotionless robot. She was concerned for my health but not too much. We just got off the phone and I'm actually starting to get really really angry with her.

I'm angry that she does not and has never communicated properly with me. She allows all issues to build up and has one outburst then is done, you don't hear about the issues again until the next blow up. We never really had big fights ever. She says she didn't want to fight because I would tell her she was just nagging me. Now she says I never took her outbursts seriously enough. (Which I did tell her and now regret completely). But she's always had an outburst, then I hear literally nothing about it again until the next one which is usually 6 to 8 months away. So what am I supposed to assume?

She denies that she's got communciation issues, (I do too but have admitted it). She's saying that I've been given so many chances but I haven't. She thinks dropping little hints is giving me chances. I'm a man, I can't read her mind. I've told her that a million times. I think she expects me to be able to now though.

I don't know this woman anymore. She's not the person I married and she's turned into a very stubborn, emotionless, robot. I do not want to live like this and I think I'm going to tell her to get out since this is all her doing. I think she needs time and space on her own. The thing is I've already asked her about her future plans and she said that her plan was for her to stay in our home with the kids and she never said where I would go, but I assumed she thought I would move out. I'm not leaving my home and kids. I had my first series of panic attacks last night because I've never been alone in this house without her and the kids. I'm not leaving. She can leave and take as much time and space as she needs.

I'm thinking of just doing that 180 list on her as I'm getting fed up with her lack of caring about my mental state.

Am I being an a-hole? Is this natural for me to start getting angry at the situation too? This rollercoaster I've been in is the worst. I can't wait until the day comes I can look back on it all and laugh.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Your body is trying to get your attention.
It's saying, please take care of me.
Panic attacks won't kill you, but they are a big wake-up call that you have some emotions that you have been denying that need to be paid attention to.
Take my word for it, have btdt.
If you have allergies, any kind of stress will make them much worse. It is really difficult sometimes to tell an anxiety attack apart from an allergic attack. So if you think you might have allergies, but are having an 'anxiety' attack, see if taking an antihistamine doesn't stop the attack. But make sure the antihistamine is safe to take with whatever you are taking for the anxiety attack.

When your heart is racing, lie down on the floor. Put your arms around you in a hug, and then turn abruptly and forcefully in either direction, and back again. Or hold your breath and push down forcefully (as if you were giving birth, lol) like a Valsalva maneuver. This can jolt the heart back into a regular rhythm in a jiffy. Yes it does feel as though your heart is going to give out at any minute or jump right through your chest. But you can use either or both of these maneuvers to get it to go back to a regular rhythm and since it much prefers the regular rhythm it is usually quite happy to cooperate.

You could also consider taking a drug that is a sedative as well as an antihistamine, such as Olanzapine (Zyprexa) or Quetiapine, at lose dose, either one. Both work very well and neither is addictive, at a very low dose you can discontinue very easily, at a low dose you need to titer down to discontinue but it's not a big issue.

It is important to be proactive about anxiety attacks and to have a plan and a preventive plan, because anxiety about anxiety attacks is kind of a place you don't really want to be in.

Anger in itself can't kill you, but it does lead to physiological reactions that can...i.e. brain hemorrhage, heart attack, increased cholesterol, lack of impulse control, etc.