FemaleOne

I have been married for over 12 years and I want out of my marriage like, yesterday. I made a really big mistake years ago marrying my husband. We have not slept in the same room for over 7 years and have not been intimate in over 3 years. We have a child together and are basically together for her, not for each other.

My financial situation is not a good one, so getting out now is near to impossible. We have no property and no joint accounts (we don't even have an emergency fund) do to his selling of HIS house and not wanting to have any joint accounts with me. I lost my 401k and life savings. I have also had to pay for our child's expenses (day care, medical, vision, dental, clothes, etc.) because he has always refused to...so it's always difficult saving money.

When I was jobless for over a year, he refused to put me on his medical insurance even though he knows I have medical issues. He wouldn't even put his own child on his insurance. I had to get state insurance and could only afford it for our child, not myself.

Without going too much more into detail about the emotional abuse, neglect and disrespect, our marriage is loveless and sexless. Our child is affected deeply by this and tries to keep us together with God's help through prayer. BUT I WANT MY LIFE BACK because I have no love left in me for him.

How does he feel? He doesn't want to get separated or divorced...which makes no kind of sense to me. He knows this marriage has been over.

The worst part of it all is that I am trapped here and even though I finally have a job, my bills, especially medical, will keep me right where I am before I can get out of this hole, save up a good amount and then get out! Of course I have to do that by myself because, yep you guessed it, he won't give me a dime to help pay those bills off.

It's just crazy, please advise.

the guy

I don't think its his choice in getting a divorce, you want out so go talk to a couple of lawyer and find out what your options are.

diwali123

He doesn't want to pay child support or alimony, he doesn't want to have to pay for your child's health insurance.
He sounds like a selfish jerk. Please see an attorney and find out what your rights are.
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C3156

This has been acceptable to you?

I don't understand someone that will not support their own family. What is his reasoning? He doesn't want to or are there deeper things that you have not been provided? I kind of get the impression he has been planning for a divorce for a long time. No joint accounts, minimal financial assistance, no physical relationship.

It's like he is blaming you for something and holding it against you. Was there an affair in the past?

Who cares what he wants. If you want a divorce, all states recognize a no-fault divorce and if one party wants out that is all it takes. Meet the state requirements, file with the court, and it is legally over (much over simplified).

Meet with an attorney for a consultation and get an idea of what is involved and what you are eligible for with the divorce. Like it or not, your husband will have to help support your child after you divorce. If he helped to bring the child in the world, he is responsible for the raising of that child.

Also think about what you want out of the divorce. Define your goals and develop a legal strategy with your attorney to attain your goals.

I would recommend that you not mention your plans to your husband until you are ready to serve him with papers. No need to let the other side know what is coming before you are ready.

Almostrecovered

in all honesty, I truly think you and your child would be better off financially divorcing him

get a lawyer

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Cosmos

Financially, you might be in the same place you are now, but you will be free of an abusive husband...

Time to see a good lawyer, IMO, and time for him to start helping to support his child - something he will have difficulty wriggling out of with a Court Order.

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When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Well of course he doesn't want out. He would have to do his own household chores and also would have to pay child support. And the cost of the divorce, and also lose tax benefits he gets from having dependents, even though he doesn't extend any of the benefits to you as a dependent, i.e. health insurance. He is making money just by being married, and doing it in a passive way that avoids any real responsibilities or financial costs or even time/emotional costs that come along with being married.

You said it doesn't make sense. That's because you're looking at marriage as an emotional bond, and wondering why he doesn't want to divorce you if he is not acting like he's actually married. Now you have a better concept of how it does make sense, but not from your point of view.

Toffer

FemaleOne,

You'd be better off divorced.

First of all, if you're the primary caregiver for your child, he'll have to pay child support

If you haven't worked much during the marriage you may be eligible for alimony (depends on State you're in)

Your husband may also be on the hook for some of the costs associated with having your child covered either under his health Ins or yours

Get to a lawter and find out!

Do you have family who could help either with some $ or a place to stay?