Nod

My wife & I married when she was 19. I was 23. FF to today she is 30, me 34. We have 1 son, 10.

We both were overweight when we married (I was around 330 & 220 for her) & after marriage & our son, things went downhill with weight. After many diet failures, we both decided to have weight loss surgery. I was 474lbs of fat, & she was 291lbs. Hers was 07/11, mine 08/11. (Less than a year ago.)

Both surgeries have been very successful. So successful that my wife has turned into a hottie (140lbs 5'6") & is wearing a size 6. I has A LOT more to lose, but today I am proud to say I finally am under 300lbs (175lbs lost in 11mos) My goal is 200 lbs lost in a year.

Anyhow, great news, I know... But my wife, after weeks of arguing finally admitted what I already knew... We settled... She is a selfish, self absorbed, inpatient woman who I adore. The problem is I turned her into this over the past year. We have spent thousands on new clothes, purses, shoes, etc.. I was in lust with my new lover.

I apparently am not losing weight fast enough, so everything I do now is annoying to her. She has brought up several times that maybe, I should leave, but then says she loves me.

Oh, btw, yes it was me & my insurance that paid for her new attention getter (ie: her size 6) as she was in nursing school (on my dime.) Now she is an RN, & said she wanted to know what it would be like if she was on her own. I said that's a nice way of saying I want to be single & **** around... Then she says, she wants someone who will make her a better person &I haven't been doing that... Ummm ... Read above about me paying for surgery & school (which I was the one to suggest both).. I didn't bother telling her that as i'm not that way...

I love her, but I have created a monster... Going to the gym now to work off this last 100lbs so I can be her fantasy...

Any advice?

Mistys dad

Keep doing what you are doing.

Her sex rank is higher than yours right now and she is getting restless.

You need to bring your rank up and at the same time start increasing your desirablity.

Try looking at Athol's MAP (male action plan)

Start reading here.

The Male Action Plan (MAP) | Married Man Sex Life

Be warned though, it may be that she has already seen the way out. Do the MAP for yourself, not her.

__________________
The first question should always be, "If it's that bad, why are you still there?

OK, you screwed up, it happens. Now apologize. But apologize just once. Make it loud, clear, short, to the point, and directly to those you trespassed against. Then move on.

Nod

I think, actually I know you're right. She is restless. I read the article about the sex ranking, & it was a mirror situation, except for the fact I am making an effort as well, & even though I have lost more weight than her, I have more to go.

I think her issue is the fantasy of being with someone else. Our sex life is still very active, at about 4 times per week...

Anyhow, I'm not mad at her as I completely understand the psychological aspect of it. She's hit 30, new career, new body, new life, but same man...

I'm changing that & we talked this morning & I let her read the article so she could get a second point of view, & I think it hit her.
She was especially interested in the part about being 40 & spent goods.

.I think we'll make it as I caught early on...

She is the love off my life, has been for 12 years & I plan on keeping it that way
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Emma1981

Nod - you sound like a great husband. You are attentive and want to work on things before they get out of control. Just keep doing what you are doing like the other poster said. Congrats on the weight loss to both of you, I know it must be life changing in many ways

I think she is just going through an adjustment phase after such a dramatic weight loss (I remember seeing a story about this on TV with a lady who went under the same procedure). If she loves you, then once her brain begins to settle in her new body, she will "even out" to say the least. True love cannot be replaced by attention and/or a guy with a "hot body" - true love is the meat and potatoes of our soul, which has nothing to do with attention and weight.

coldshoulder

Just keep going in the direction that you are headed. She should understand what you are going through. I understand that she will be getting more 'attention' than she normally would have gotten, but hopefully she will just take the complements as that and see your progress as something to look forward to.

Congratulations on your progress so far, and good luck!

Later.