Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 07-05-2012, 07:42 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

So I had posted a thread alittle over a week ago...

Married for 14 years(today) and my Wife is not in Love with me anymore....What to do?

We are currently on vacation in OBX and I thought things might get better. We have had lots of good conversation but there have been ups and downs and I'm not sure if she is putting on a show for her family that we are with.

I have come to the conclusion that when we get back home this saturday, I need to pack my things and move out to my parents house. I have told her that but I think she does not believe me and thinks that I am bluffing.

She thinks that because of finances and the kids, we should stay in the house together and be separated. I told her that I can't do this if she dosen't want to be with me because I need to start the healing process, and the only way to do this is to be away from her.

To make matters worse, we have been sleeping in the same bed here on vacation, and there has been some cuddling. It is a much smaller bed than out king we have at home. And on top of that my oldest son(14) was playing with her phone while we were her and stumbled onto all the texts that her and I have sent back and forth to each other. He now knows everything! This hit her really hard! It was a big dose of reality to her that what has been going on does not just effect her and I but everyone around us. I believe that if I leave on saturday, this will be very hard for her and I'm not sure that she can handle it.

I am so lost and confused and truly don't know what to do. I really don't want to leave, but I think it is the best for both of us!

Ed
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Old 07-05-2012, 09:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

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Originally Posted by billcovw View Post
I have come to the conclusion that when we get back home this saturday, I need to pack my things and move out to my parents house...She thinks that because of finances and the kids, we should stay in the house together and be separated. I told her that I can't do this if she dosen't want to be with me because I need to start the healing process, and the only way to do this is to be away from her.
DO NOT move out of the house! That is the single biggest mistake men make in the divorce process. Basically you are telling the courts that your STBX is the better parent (you left the kids with her, right?) and you are setting yourself up to be screwed.

As much as it sucks, stay in the house and finish the divorce process first. It will be hard to do but you need to detach emotionally and work through the process of separating yourself from your wife. Look at it as a business deal. Seal the deal and then move on to the next step. Keep all discussions related to the topic of the divorce and the children, keep quiet about the rest. It takes some fortitude but this now just a business deal. Keep it to the business at hand.

Look at this list and prepare. Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum • View topic - THE LIST (Print It)

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And on top of that my oldest son(14) was playing with her phone while we were her and stumbled onto all the texts that her and I have sent back and forth to each other. He now knows everything!
On top of everything, keep the business between you and your wife private. All your children need to know is that this is not their fault and you both love them dearly. Don't put the children in the middle.
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Old 07-05-2012, 10:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

While I agree with almost all of what C3156 said, I think since the cat is out the bag with the 14 year old that you annd the wife may want to consider sitting him down and talking honestly with him.

Obviously explain to him that it has nothing to do with the kids but these things happen in marriages and that while you and your wife are not 100% sure what way this will go, you'll both always love and care for the kids
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:04 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

We have already talked with my son.....he is on the same page and has come to me a few times to talk about it. He is handling it much better than I thought he would.
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

bil,

Read up on the 180 and start implementing it now

I would also suggest that she should tell her family at the end of your vacation and I recommend you stop the acting NOW.

She wants to seperate, let her deal with her family and the fallout

Also, if she wants to find out what life would be like without you, be sure to cancel all joint credit cards and remove half the money you have in any joint accounts and put it into accounts with just your name on it.

Also draw up a list of what her half of the monthly bills will be moving forward (mortage, insurance, car payment, cable bill, etc).

Why should you finance her single life?
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Old 07-08-2012, 05:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Separated....but living in the same house and in the same bed....for the kids?

[QUOTE=Toffer;883989]

Read up on the 180 and start implementing it now

QUOTE]

What is the 180 and where can I find out more information about it?

Ed
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