young marriage failing

fovd · 07-06-2012, 02:53 PM

My husband and i have been married for 3 years (next week) i was 20 (day after my birthday) and he was 23 when we got married. We didn't date long before we did so it was all a bit rushed, needless to say that the first year sucked after a few months we were going to a religious counseling and it did help, we were back to 100% after a bit.

Now we area back to having problems, but its way more intense than before. We fight about EVERYTHING and i feel like we are both absolutely miserable and thinking about divorce.
My husband is sort of a difficult person, but i knew that, he is very quiet and doesn't like to show his emotions to anyone until he is comfortable enough which he is with me, but even then his emotions are limited to angry,grumpy, sort of happy and inpatient. He had a rough childhood in which every family member he had left him or gave him away, so that's why he has that wall there. And we do have good happy lovey days but the hard ones tend to weight more lately.

On the other side of the coin is me, i know is not all him and im part of the problem as well. I have a hard time trusting man (i don't think i ever will to be hones) considering that EVERY single man i know has cheated at least once (including my father x100). So i can be a bit jealous like "who called you?", "why are you late" and he gets extremely angry at me for it.

Our fights have been more and more because i feel like he is changing , not in a good way. He's been talking about buying a motorcycle lately even though we are thousands of dollars in debt from buying a house and still have to pay for college and i just got my hrs cut to half at work. Also he's been talking about "my co worker asked if we do it from the back?" to which i got mad because A- is personal and B- don't eeeeven get any ideas because its not EEEEVER happening. Also my sisters bf is a tool and he is always going to strip clubs and talking about girls like we are disposable and my husband the other day was talking to him about tits right in-front of me (it doesn't help that i have very lil boobs) which made me furious and we got into a fight about that. We also got into a fight because he didn't want me to touch his phone (i did go through it with out him knowing and there was nothing really bad in it so idk why he is mad)to call our insurance.

Is been a constant fight about everything, he hates to do me favors or for me to ask him to clean up his mess or come home for dinner in time and says " why do you always feel like is ok to mess with my schedule and plans!", "why do you always tell me what to do!" when i work 8hrs come home and cook,clean so i ask for a little help!. Also he says i dont let him go out with friends when all i ask is for him not to get ****faced to the point that he would screw someone and not remember or to please not spend a lot of money or to please not come home at like 4am we are married after all not single party ppl.

i just dont know anymore and im giving up slowly...

Free Heart · 07-07-2012, 03:02 AM

Hi Fovd

Im sorry to hear about your situation I also married young and it is very challenging with a husband who isn't very open ... we are separated now but I still hope one day we will come together (work in progress)

Have you tried voicing your worries about him being so protective of his phone ...and shutting you out emotionally ...I mean you are a team and a problem shared is a problem halved.

Maybe if it becomes unbearable for you you should go back to counselling it seemed to really help and maybe you should both take sometime out like go away to ignite the spark!

Hang in there love.

EleGirl · 07-07-2012, 03:36 AM

From what you have said, your husband is not really into the marriage. He's at a stage in his life when most men are just starting to find out who they really are. The human brain is not completely developed until the age of about 26.

About 65% of young marriages between people under 25 end in divorce. The divorce rate goes way down for women after 25 and men after 30.

You are seeing why. Our society does not encourage poeple to put their marriage first. His friends are encouraging him to do anything but that.

One thing I can suggest is that you get the books liked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. Read them. See if you can get him to read them and work on the things they tell you to do. If the two of you do that you have a chance of repairing your marriage.

I wish you will.