Re: My spouse is chronically miserable.
To answer some of your questions:
My husband has never been to counseling for his behavior because he doesn't think anything is wrong with it, nor does he think there is anything wrong with his porn addiction.
His childhood was decent, no abuse or neglect. His father was self absorbed and a downer often. My husband was bullied quite a bit in elementary school because of his size.
His adult life has been fairly good. He had a crap job with a jerk boss there for a little bit but the past ten years he has been running a local company and has earned great respect in the industry.
His health isnt too great, he has pain in his shoulders and knees, so I know that affects his attitude.
I tried talking to him about his behavior and how it affects all of us and how know one can tell if he's happy because he never shows it. He seemed to get what I was saying but there hasnt been much improvement. I know old habits die hard, but good God! I cant take much more. He is bringing down the joy in my life.
His porn addiction is killing me and his lies & deception regarding the issue is breaking my heart. I jailbroke our ipad and installed a keylogger. He has accessed porn on the internet 4 times in the past 24 hours. The first time was just a few hours after we had sex and the last time he was next to me while I slept.
I dont trust him and I dont respect him; all I can think about is getting a divorce.
The only thing that has kept me from filing is fear: Fear of what it will do to my 4 children, fear of how we will survive on my VERY meager income, fear of being alone, and fear of hurting his heart.