Rima

For the last three years of our marriage, we have had so many communication problems it started becoming evident that we are two entirely different people. We have a five year old. I talked to my husband about separation/divorce. He says he can see that our miscommunication is a symptom of something deeper, and he most likely is referring to our different personalities. He said this before, but I couldn't believe it, now I do.

I am a social butterfly and he is the classic hermit/recluse, etc. Although our greater values in life are the same, our day to day values are quite drastically the opposite.

Anyways, I am on a break on my own, and I am thinking on what to do. I can imagine separating from "him" but I cannot imagine the new reality that would create for my child. He can still keep the old apartment with her old room, I suppose, and I most likely will move to mom's house, which is 2 minutes away from our current apartment. The living arrangement won't be drastically different for my child. However, sometimes I think that I owe her a sibling from the same father. I know this is crazy, but I am really very emotional about leaving my child in the world without any same-parent siblings.

Sad. Help?

toonewlywed

I know how you feel about not wanting to separate the family. Children are resilient though, they will get through it. I am not saying that to give you the go-head, just want to help assuage some of your programmed motherly guilt. At the end of the day, your daughter wants happy parents. And if it's only 2 minutes down the road, I say it is well worth it to give yourself peace of mind. Begin with the separation and see if that helps you gain any peace of mind/clarity about what to do next.

Nod

So I'm not seeing the passion here. Do you no longer love him? Is this what he wants? Is there another man involved? Communication issue is so vague and cliche'. Give more details so we can help save your family, not dismantle it.

Rima

toonewelywed: Thank you! I truly truly needed to hear that. I have very little support outside of this forum.

Nod: other issues are deep, and it ails me to discuss them, but they include his blase attitude regarding romance; his anger tantrums that I am very bitter about; his clear self-esteem issues that he cannot handle a strong-willed, talented, effusive woman like myself. He always wants to contain me on the one-on-one communication level, although he has no problem letting me travel alone--in fact he did not WANT to travel with me although I asked him to come. We are planning another family trip, perhaps the last one, because I promised my child we would do it. But the destination I went to was the most romantic place on earth, yet he wouldn't come. He preferred to stay home and do some intellectual projects, in a country where summer temperatures reach 50 degrees (our home country). Relative to my expectations from a marriage, he is a lazy lazy blase unromantic person. Yet "good" father, and "good" bread earner, and can be a "good" friend, if he is not bothered by anything (in a good mood).