07-18-2012, 04:52 PM
Join Date: May 2010
| | 2 years after wife EA
Married 15 years with two daughters, 11 and 14 years old. We both have good careers and no major money troubles. No drugs, but wife is a bit of an alcoholic and is trying to cut back. I actually got my wife her current job at my BESTFREIND’s company about 8 years ago.
About 3 years ago I approached my wife with concerns in our marriage: lack of communication, lack of sex and just being “distant” from each other. We agreed to work on the marriage. A few months later I bought a laptop to use at work and checked the online phone bill. I discovered a forest fire of phone calls and text between my wife and BF. Basically the calls were taking place anytime I wasn’t around. There were too many to just be business calls. I knew there was more to it. I bit my tongue and watched the calls/txt fly for a few more months. I even hinted to my wife that I knew she was fooling around with the boss(BF). She would tell me I was wrong and never even ask why I accused her. The calls/txt still didn’t stop.
At this point my BF and I had not spoken much in the past months and I had had enough. I confronted my wife who told me just that just the past weekend, BF’s wife saw some of the txt on BF phone. According to my wife, BF had to show his wife several months worth of credit card statements to see if they were getting hotels. To this day I have not spoken to BF wife to see what was being said in the txt messages.
So wife admitted to ONLY sexting with BF and nothing physical ever happened. Their EA lasted about 6 months. I confronted my BF who gave me a mirror story. Of course I had a few unpleasant words for him. We all know that “something happened”!!
Having your wife and BF of 25 years involved in EA is not fun. After about two weeks of hanging my head low, wife told me to simply get over it. She did not want to divorce and I did not either. I was willing to try and recover.
Two years later, wife still works there with him. I have asked her 100’s of times to quit, she refuses because its good money. I have told her that it’s a slap in my face every day. She has provided very little details of her involvement with him. Back in November my adult-step daughter admitted to me that my wife told her about her and BF relationship prior to me confronting my wife. She felt it was wrong and I needed to know. I told her I already knew about it. I left for about a week but returned for my kids.
Wife is now talking to another old friend of mine, related to her job, but always erases text messages before she gets home. She says they are just friends. A few months ago wife was coming home late. I had someone go by where she works and only two cars were in the parking lot, hers and old friend. After listening to her story about how she had to stay after work with several other employees, I confronted her about why only her car and his car was there. Well… I never really got a straight answer. I left for about a week and returned for the kids.
So again, here we are two years later. No improvement in my marriage because I have trust issues with my wife and have never really had any closure. We can’t hold a normal conversation so I avoid talking to her about anything other than kid stuff etc… She says she is not in love with me but loves me, she does not want a divorce and that we can live together. Neither of us initiate sex. Last year I went to MC on my own without telling her. I then asked her to go. To this day she refuses to go.
Her issues with me are that I don’t do enough around the house or help her enough with the kids. I do the best I can with my work schedule. She is a great mom but puts too much on herself as far as the house and kids go. The only chores my daughters have are to clean their rooms. Basically I get the left-overs or what does not fit into her schedule and when I honestly can’t, she says I’m not helping. And regardless of how I do anything, its wrong.
At what point do you give up?