seekinglove4me

I'm 33 and been legally married for 6 years but my husband and i have been living together for 12 years. our relationship hasn't been right from the beginning. he was in med school when we moved in together. I was only 19 at the time. He was alway very dedicated to his career and I supposed it. he has never been an affectionate person and I knew it but I thought it was because of his studies. As years went by it got worst. he had a few conflicts that almost ended our relationship and it seem that he wanted out as well. I always fought for us. more years went by and I started to notice that he never talked about marriage. he talked about the future but not marriage. years went by we tried to get pregnant and i thought it was maybe this time he is thinking about proposing. Six months pregnant and still nothing until finally I asked him, are we ever going to get married? He said sure. Keep in my by this time he already finished medical school and residency and now in his current job.
So we went to the local court and got married. Not very nice, it was just him and I, it was horrible. after he got off of being on call.

Years went by and our relationship got worst. I fell like i was a bother to him. we never kissed or hug. sex was robotic. I still wanted to work on our marriage. I would tell him, I need affection. I think we should go to counseling and he would say no. during the six years of being married with children he did say he wanted a divorce but i would always keep us together. years went by and 3 years ago is when i started to change. I started to do what made me happy. I workout, I play tennis, I hang out with my girlfriends, but really I wasn't happy. I feel something was missing. Finally last year I told him I wasn't happy and that i want a divorce. He was in shock! I didn't plan it, this just happen out of nowhere but fell so right. now with 2 kids 6 and 4, He said he loved me and didn't want a divorce.to please give him a chance so I did. I told him everything i fell. He apologize and swears he will change. he did for a few months. As time went tried counseling but i knew my heart and mind were already set for divorce. I am drained. I feel like i have been trying for 10 years. I stuck it out anyways. months past and went back to our routine lives. Until finally He said today June 2 has been a year since you asked for a divorce and I can see that it is not working. He said I love you and don't want to loose you but I'm emotionally drained. I want us to stay together and be a family. I tried my best this year but i can see you don't want me. I don't' think he tried much but anyways . he says he did. Honesty I am ready to move on, but I am terrified of going forward!!! He always tells me that it is me who wants out. that I am doing this. Overall, He is a great father and a good man. he is a great provider and has a good heart. He just lacks affection and communication. At this point in my life , I am so checked out of the marriage that I know it's too late.I don't love him. I don't like it when he touches me now. I wanted it so bad year ago but now i don't I never had a proposal, a wedding or passionate love. We both love so differently. I have so much resentment and I can't let go of it. We are about to separate but I am so scared of taking that first step. Am I wrong to wanting to do this. In my heart it feels right, but in my mind it feels wrong. Should I really give up on love.I know I will not find it here but if for some storage reason I do, we need to change something in our current situation. I feel like a separation is the right thing to do. What do you guys think. I kind of just threw all the important highlights to give you an idea of why I'm in this position. Please Help.

TrueNorth

I am sorry for your pain. I understand as I am in somewhat similar situation. If you really are checked out of the marriage and past the point of forgiveness then maybe this is right for you. But if there is just one little thought that maybe you should try again if he is willing also, then maybe you should, for the sake of your kids? But then again, it sounds like he has never been affectionate or loving or attentive and maybe that is his nature and it will never change permanently. you are not wrong if it feels right in your heart. As long as you know you've tried everything then just take that first step and don't look back. Trust yourself.
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seekinglove4me

Thank you TrueNOrth for your reply. I think I am ready to move on, but there is always a lingering doubt. if it weren't for my kids I would of already left. What if I'm wrong? everyone tells me I'm wrong, not knowing what I have live, but my gut feeling tells me to move on. Something tells me that there is something more out there for me and if I stay I won't get it. Maybe i'm just confusing myself. I'm just going to have to trust myself like you said. This is the first time I hear that and I haven't really trusted myself in years. My heart told me to do something else but I always ignored it. This time I will trust myself and hope for the best.

Nod

Do you want to live a life of pretense or happiness? Just know a lot of men are like him, so the grass isn't always greener. You won't find out with your next until the lust phase is over. Good luck