for those of you know my story (started on reconciliation board) we have been down to 1 car for a while and we are broke (we live paycheck to paycheck and he gets paid bi-monthly) we are reeling from his 2 week trip to the asia pacific -he didnt even have enough money for gas so hes working from home. That being said I have not been to the dr.'s yet to be tested and have not seen an attorney - I did reach out to some extended family that has an attorney as a client and waiting to hear back...so im doing something. I cant call one directly becuse he will freak he keeping an eye on me.
here is the problem... I dont hate him - right now as some of you know he has laid out the terms... he is willing to pay for me to back to school and help with the actual schooling (im 42 and a sahm) and an apartment for us plus expenses he wants to get his own place with in a mile and 50-50 custody and have my replacement watch the kids while i go to school and afterschool care (by the way he still says hes completely faithful). He is trying to keep this amicable and wants to file out of the country for an expedited divorce (wonder what the hurry is, right?!)
He keeps hinting that If I decide to go to court - That i will lose the children completely -from what i looked up it might be possible because i cannot afford them and would have to pay him support based on my salary. I cant imagine what his loaded gun can be i pretty much have nothing to hide honestly -all he might have on me is that im a less than perfect housekeeper (i have 4 kids!) and that i like to have a drink every few months. But he does pay in to a legal plan at work - and he hasnt said so directly- but they are ruthless and pull departamental resources - so its not 1 lawyer to another... its one lawyer to a corporation. He is also looking at leaving the country
I have discussed this to a degree and looked up some things... I told him if he expedites the divorce i would seperatly need his agreement in written form, his name on student loans his name on lease so i dont get saddled when things dont work out. That they would have to be notorized - but i think filed through an attorney as a binding contract but im not completely stupid
one that he cannot bankrupt. I can also file the children in The Children’s Passport Issuance Alert Program (CPIAP) which will contact me if anyone applies for a passport for the children.
My head says bite the bullet, take the harder life safeguard the children keep some stranger from raising them...
My heart well...it says i dont want to see him with someone else, I will never stop loving him, but at least i would have him close but more important the kids would have their dad around - i should mention that if i decide to go for it myself... I will be moving back home 300 miles away and the kids quality will greatly decrease.... from schools to everything else, but they will be with me.
what would you do really?? - im not looking to ruin him or get revenge i want the best for the children and yes the is the nagging in the back of my mind that im trying to keep some part of him for selfish reasons... I know alot of people said see an attorney before reading this - but honestly -what would you do? the thought of some woman watching my kids daily and trying to take on my role sickens me. Please give me your thoughts even if youve told me see a lawyer already - im clouded by the heartbreak i need the clarity of someone on the outside looking in.
Please weigh in!! - This is the kid's next 13 years 
