WorkHardOnMyself

Every time I make a mistake to upset my wife I hear divorce talk. I just dont think thats how a marriage should work. I have a neighbor invite me over to a kids birthday party at the last minute, and I didn't give him an answer to say that was going. So my wife ask me and I said yes I will go take my little girl over not thinking forgetting that she would like to rest & chill. I answered the question she ask and didn't realize how all that factors go into this. She says that I'm never standing with her or for her on anything. She says that the neighbor never speaks to her, and I dont know what to do about that! I tried everything to make the communication work, and I still get that I'm not communicating well since the beginning of the marriage. Then I when I try to explain where I was comming from she hear doesnt doesnt listen, becasue she has her own opinion about what happen & thats final in her eyes. I just dont know what to do in this situation.

Acorn

If every conversation leads to a threat of divorce, then she is likely either hurt and trying to hurt you, or else she is really at the end of her rope.

I think it would be reasonable for you to ask her not to say it again unless she means it.

As for the other things, if you agreed to go to a party and then remembered everyone agreed to stay home and relax, why not just turn around, go home and relax? I think I missed part of the story here. You are supposed to be on the same team.

WorkHardOnMyself

This is what happened the neighbor came by the at the last minute to quick invite to the party, but my wife and I discussed about her relaxing on the weekend about a month ago, and so when the neighbor invited me over, I just told him ok (ok like something telling you something and I just let him know I heard him). So My wife ask me if I was going over, and without thinking I tell her yes ( not thinking about our scheduled plans). So sense I told her yes I disregarded all of her plans, and I didnt think about before I told her yes!

Acorn

It sounds like you made a mistake.

This does not seem like a serious mistake so if this is not usual, I think she is overreacting.

If this is a regular thing, I'd find a way to better keep track of things like that, because over time she may feel unloved if you keep forgetting about her. She's communicating it to you, giving you an easy map to helping her feel good about the two of you - make it happen! Get a calendar, stickey notes, whatever you need to keep track.

Shoeguy

I guess I must have missed something as well. I don't see how you taking the kid to a b-day party means she couldn't still relax.

Could you have spun it and said "a b-day party just came up. i'll take the kid so you cna relax as planned"? Win-win for both.

It does sound a little petty but maybe if she was looking toward relaxing for over a month maybe she needs more down time and that is causing part of the problem.

__________________
None will improve your lot if you yourself do not.
Bertolt Brecht

WorkHardOnMyself

She says that I shouldnt deal with them because He doesnt say Hi to her when she sees them! They speak to me, and I dont know whats going on!

Toffer

Sorry but judging by the picture you've painted her of your wife, I don't blame the neighbors for not wanting to talk to her!

WorkHardOnMyself

I dont think they have an problem with her!

Toffer

I think you need to reflect a little and ask yourself if your wife has ever bothered to say hello or anything to your neighbors.

It seems to me that your wife only sees things her way and doesn't believe in compromise. Does it seem that she feels that everything that anybody does is done to tick her off?

synthetic

Forget this last incident.

If your wife threatens divorce often, simply giver her a suitcase and tell her to get the hell out of your life. That's how such threats should be responded to. You're allowing her to mentally torture you. How long do you think you can last?

Tell her next time she threatens divorce you will be filing on her ass within 24 hours. AND DO IT. FILE FOR DIVORCE. Then sit and watch her panic like a headless chicken.

I've been through this. It's not easy living with such immature people. The least you should do is put them in their place.

Stop being scared of her threats. Take her up on them and see how quickly she folds.

__________________
"Selflessness is just a lofty word for codependency, and it's dysfunctional" - Shari Shreiber

DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

Shoeguy

Sounds like an issue between your wife and your neighbor so you may be stuck until she deals with her issue.

They say high fences makes grood neighbors. (or something like that) Might be an option. Or what Synthetic says but I think that might be an extreme option.

Maybe more background about your situation would help. You stated everytime you make a mistake she says divorce. What were some of the other times? Maybe there some that are unresolved and eating away at both of you.

Just my 2 cents.

Shoeguy

P.S Hopefully you and your child had fun at the party.

__________________
None will improve your lot if you yourself do not.
Bertolt Brecht

bkaydezz

The threats are no go for sure.

Im assuming that she is getting aggrivated with you alot because either you arent listening or putting in effort to remember.

Thats what it seems to me.

She could also tone the tude down a bit. That is part of your communication. You both need to sit down and talk about this and work on it! Other wise its going to continue and continue.

__________________
there is no voice to confound you, only your voice for your own wound.