Sorry but i can't figure out how to use the multiquote function.
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You don't seem to understand. It's not up to you how she spends the money. An extreme example: Even if she lit the cash on fire and burned it, it does not relieve you of your obligation to provide although if you can prove she's wastefully disposing of the support and not providing adequately for the children and they're being neglected, it might strengthen an eventual custody case.
OK. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but laws are laws, however unfair they may seem. Even if she was having an affair and was spending money with the guy, i would still have to pay her child support. I will just have to suck it up.
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Safe to assume she left the children with someone who cared for them in her absence? She's a full time parent. You see them perhaps a few times per year. There's nothing to say she's not allowed to take a vacation without the children.
I know. I'm just saying if the situation was reversed and the kids were with me, i wouldn't leave them with my parents while i went on a holiday, especially when i was dirt broke.
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From what you have written your odds of obtaining custody are slim to none. She moved away with the kids, it's been years now, you barely see them, and you haven't done much if anything to try to get them back and now you're not even paying support. That makes you look very bad in the eyes of the court and I'm surprised your attorney has not advised you of that.
I have tried my best to coax her to return. I couldn't exactly get her to come back by force. Now i realised not sending her any money is a bad call.
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Be the best father you can, visit with your children, write them letters, send them gifts and cards, visit as much as possible, consider relocating to be close to them, and continue to speak with an attorney regarding your legal options. Don't punish your children because you're angry with your wife.
Sorry if i came across as irresponsible or angry. I'm not trying to punish my kids, and i'm not angry with my wife. I'm in despair and in grief cos i'm abandoned and am losing my family. I have no idea how i can take it when they're living with another man (if she gets married again) and calling him daddy. As much as i feel victimised, i just have to get off my sorry ass and face the truth. Even though they may calling another guy daddy, at least i will still have a place in their hearts.
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As you said, realistically, your only option for building a relationship with your kids is to move closer to them, regardless of your wife's feelings for you. Are you willing to do that? If not, again speak to your lawyer and find out what your rights are. Possibly you might get the kids to come live with you a certain portion of the year. If that's what you want... You need to find out what your options are, pick the best one for you and the kids, and then work out a plan to get there.
I have to think long and hard about relocating, at this point in time, i am not ruling that out.
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I'm also in a "non-legal" separation. Meaning we don't have a contract saying I'll give my STBXW so much money per month. But I looked at what I'm obligated to provide in a divorce, and I've been putting that in her bank account every month. I don't ask her why she's got new shoes when I see her, or how she can afford a haircut... That money is hers to do with as she sees fit. So long as she provides for the kids' needs, I'm not going to ask her for a financial report.
Thanks for pointing it out.
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That's a reasonable goal and I'd think you have that legal right although after, what was it, 2.5 years, that might be tricky if your wife isn't going to allow it, and for some reason I doubt she will.
I don't know. She said she had been trying to convince my eldest to live with me for a while, but he wouldn't. In front of her and my in laws, he would say he doesn't want to live with me. But when they're not around, he would tell me that he wants to follow me back here. Either he's still young and fickle, or they have been feeding him negative things about me.
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And that, is how you do it. It keeps things civil, it makes the possibility of an ugly, expensive, highly contested divorce less likely, it sets a standard so that when the divorce is final, there's a good chance thats what you'll be paying going forward, and odds are it's a better deal than what a court might obligate you to pay. And the kids don't suffer. And maybe your wife will be a bit easier to get along with which will help with literally everything else.
I'm with you on this. This is the only reason holding me back from a custody battle. If i lose, which is highly likely, i probably won't even see them again, ever.
Forget about the letter, i will rearrange my emotions and call her instead. To discuss, not to argue.
Thank you all for your feedback and time. I really appreciate it. Doesn't matter who s right and who's wrong, i can only blame myself for being so blinded by love and ***** whipped before, i should have seen the signs, but i didn't.
I'm with you on this. This is the only reason holding me back from a custody battle. If i lose, which is highly likely, i probably won't even see them again, ever.
Why not? You're still their father, you will still have visitation rights, you could even be awarded visitation with you in your own country a few months out of the year, say during non school sessions or something like that.
Why not? You're still their father, you will still have visitation rights, you could even be awarded visitation with you in your own country a few months out of the year, say during non school sessions or something like that.
I think a problem might be the difficulty in enforcing whatever agreement is made. Of course, his option would then be to stop any financial support...
I think a problem might be the difficulty in enforcing whatever agreement is made. Of course, his option would then be to stop any financial support...
Denial of visitation is not a legitimate reason to stop paying child support, although (depending on the prevailing laws in his jurisdiction) he could petition the court to relieve him of his support obligation if he could make the case that he was denied visitation.
Why not? You're still their father, you will still have visitation rights, you could even be awarded visitation with you in your own country a few months out of the year, say during non school sessions or something like that.
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Originally Posted by PBear
I think a problem might be the difficulty in enforcing whatever agreement is made. Of course, his option would then be to stop any financial support...
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Originally Posted by kindi
Denial of visitation is not a legitimate reason to stop paying child support, although (depending on the prevailing laws in his jurisdiction) he could petition the court to relieve him of his support obligation if he could make the case that he was denied visitation.
Denial of visitation is considered some form of child abuse, or so i read on the internet. Can't remember all the details, but should that happen, i will look deeper into it. Hopefully, i will be the likely recipient of custody then.
Too many possibilities to consider, i just hope the road in front won't be too rough.
Denial of visitation is considered some form of child abuse, or so i read on the internet. Can't remember all the details, but should that happen, i will look deeper into it. Hopefully, i will be the likely recipient of custody then.
Too many possibilities to consider, i just hope the road in front won't be too rough.
My point with the whole no visitation / withhold support is the difficulties both parties may have enforcing an internationally separated family. She might decide to not send the kids back to visit (often because the remote spouse might be afraid they wouldn't come back), and his only recourse might be to withhold support. It just seems an international split like that could really become a nightmare. But it is what it is...
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Re: Last Letter before Final Decision? 
