So my husband told me yesterday that he doesn't know if he wants to be married to me anymore.
A little background of our relationship.. I am 26, he is 25, our birthdays are in November. We have been married since dec of 2010. We have known each other for 5 years, dated for about a year, he joined the Marines and we eloped after he finished bootcamp. I got my associates while he was in bootcamp/school. We didn't live together until we had been married for 7.5 months, and we moved 3,000 miles away from our friends and family to California, a place we had never been to before. I sold my car for $1000 before I moved (I drove it for 10 years, it wouldn't have survived the cross country drive but was good enough around town) and quit my job. With our savings, my husband bought himself a car and we bought minimal furniture for our apartment.
I will be the first to admit, the move was really hard for me. I missed my family and friends, I missed the familiarity of home, I missed knowing where I was and how to get back to where I lived. I didn't have a car and I really missed my independence. A month after I got there, my husband came home one day and told me he volunteered for a deployment and would be leaving in 6 months and I was going home. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that after almost an entire year apart, he would volunteer for more time. They kept pushing the date up and then told him he wasn't going. I didn't get a job or make friends because I thought I was moving home.
Two months after I moved out there, my sister came to visit me because we missed each other so bad. Three months later we went home for Christmas. It was hard balancing our families, friends, and in laws in a weeks time.
When tax season came around, he told me he wanted to file taxes separately from me because I had only worked half the year and he wanted to spend the return on a dirt bike. Well, I went home for 2 weeks for a court thing that ended up being postponed to a later date. He conceded and we filed our taxes together. I asked him if we could use the money for a down payment on a car for me instead, but he bought the dirt bike.
I went home again 2 months later for my best friends wedding. That was in April. He was gone for the whole month on training. I am saying all this because it is not like we don't spend time apart already. We do.
Three weeks ago, two of my husbands work friends stayed with us before they deployed. My husband would talk about going out on the weekends with them, tell me they were going out to run errands, and then text me and say they were staying out and not coming back for me. They would stay out until 4am. He stopped being affectionate, stopped texting me, and pretty much stopped speaking to me even though we live together. I told him I was lonely and unhappy.
So, he said he feels guilty for taking me away from my family and friends and making me so unhappy. He said he hates our "1950's" marriage because i stay home and he works, and wants his independence. He says he wants his own friends, I need my own friends, we need our own bank accounts and own lives. He wants me to move back with my parents and be long distance.
My family is coming to visit in 4 weeks, they have already bought their plane tickets. Me going home isn't an option at this point in time.
He says he is going to move into the barracks (like dorms/apartments for single people) while he "figures out if he wants to be married to me anymore". I am distraught. Within the next few weeks, I am getting 30k from a car accident settlement, and will be able to buy my own car, get a job, and contribute financially to our lives. I feel like I am so close to having the opportunity to accomplish so much. He tells me that he didn't think it would be like this when we got married. That he had plans for us and none of them have happened so far. I can FEEL that his feelings for me have changed. I feel desperate. And distraught. And angry. And just panicked. And hysterical. My husband doesn't want to be married anymore. should I just let him go?? Should I go home? Should I stay and plead with him not to leave me? should I act like I'm ok? I am so confused, so upset, and so hurt. Any advice would be appreciated.
A little background of our relationship.. I am 26, he is 25, our birthdays are in November. We have been married since dec of 2010. We have known each other for 5 years, dated for about a year, he joined the Marines and we eloped after he finished bootcamp. I got my associates while he was in bootcamp/school. We didn't live together until we had been married for 7.5 months, and we moved 3,000 miles away from our friends and family to California, a place we had never been to before. I sold my car for $1000 before I moved (I drove it for 10 years, it wouldn't have survived the cross country drive but was good enough around town) and quit my job. With our savings, my husband bought himself a car and we bought minimal furniture for our apartment.
I will be the first to admit, the move was really hard for me. I missed my family and friends, I missed the familiarity of home, I missed knowing where I was and how to get back to where I lived. I didn't have a car and I really missed my independence. A month after I got there, my husband came home one day and told me he volunteered for a deployment and would be leaving in 6 months and I was going home. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that after almost an entire year apart, he would volunteer for more time. They kept pushing the date up and then told him he wasn't going. I didn't get a job or make friends because I thought I was moving home.
Two months after I moved out there, my sister came to visit me because we missed each other so bad. Three months later we went home for Christmas. It was hard balancing our families, friends, and in laws in a weeks time.
When tax season came around, he told me he wanted to file taxes separately from me because I had only worked half the year and he wanted to spend the return on a dirt bike. Well, I went home for 2 weeks for a court thing that ended up being postponed to a later date. He conceded and we filed our taxes together. I asked him if we could use the money for a down payment on a car for me instead, but he bought the dirt bike.
I went home again 2 months later for my best friends wedding. That was in April. He was gone for the whole month on training. I am saying all this because it is not like we don't spend time apart already. We do.
Three weeks ago, two of my husbands work friends stayed with us before they deployed. My husband would talk about going out on the weekends with them, tell me they were going out to run errands, and then text me and say they were staying out and not coming back for me. They would stay out until 4am. He stopped being affectionate, stopped texting me, and pretty much stopped speaking to me even though we live together. I told him I was lonely and unhappy.
So, he said he feels guilty for taking me away from my family and friends and making me so unhappy. He said he hates our "1950's" marriage because i stay home and he works, and wants his independence. He says he wants his own friends, I need my own friends, we need our own bank accounts and own lives. He wants me to move back with my parents and be long distance.
My family is coming to visit in 4 weeks, they have already bought their plane tickets. Me going home isn't an option at this point in time.
He says he is going to move into the barracks (like dorms/apartments for single people) while he "figures out if he wants to be married to me anymore". I am distraught. Within the next few weeks, I am getting 30k from a car accident settlement, and will be able to buy my own car, get a job, and contribute financially to our lives. I feel like I am so close to having the opportunity to accomplish so much. He tells me that he didn't think it would be like this when we got married. That he had plans for us and none of them have happened so far. I can FEEL that his feelings for me have changed. I feel desperate. And distraught. And angry. And just panicked. And hysterical. My husband doesn't want to be married anymore. should I just let him go?? Should I go home? Should I stay and plead with him not to leave me? should I act like I'm ok? I am so confused, so upset, and so hurt. Any advice would be appreciated.