Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
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Originally Posted by BEEGONE1
Good stuff. Good insight. I'll have to check out that book. Looks like it is full of good info. Thanks for posting.
Just be aware that the book explains how women's infidelity works but gives no solutions. There is a second book that is a bit more solution oriented.
When I first read it, I assumed the author must have been watching my wife. It was uncanny. And for what it's worth, we are still together, though it was a close thing and we didn't get as far as you guys have. No guarantees, sadly.
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
I feel your frustration in the pit of my stomach, I really do. I think from your post that this is a losing battle... I don't think there really is a battle, it sounds over.
I think that you did the right thing by leaving. If she left she'd be with him anyway, they'd figure it out. I know it kills and I know that I understand your feelings because I am going through something right now that I know I should leave. Love makes you so blind.
I worry you'd be wasting your time trying to figure her out. I find myself in the same position, trying to figure my husband out- like it even matters. Look up "co-dependency," we are trying to make people into what we want them to be, in a sense- you want your wife to come back around, I want my husband to stop being a mummy's boy... Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
You may find some does not sound like you- I felt this also but it is a bit insightful, that's all.
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
Thanks for the advice. I think you are right about it being over. Funny thing is that she didnt even want to try to work it out. I think her mind was made up when she decided to cross that line.
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BEEGONE1
Yes. (2 businesses). But the IDGAF approach may work well if I dont care what she gets.
Long after she's gone, whatever you take with you from this marriage in terms of your business(es), home, money, personal belongs.. it's going to matter.
Even though right now you're so distraught you don't care if she takes everything.
Don't roll over and give it all away just because it's the easiest thing to do right now. Deal with it head on, work your way through the pain and fight for what is rightfully yours.
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
I'm not going to be quite so harsh on your wife even though she messed up your marriage and you have a right to be angry and upset. You mentioned she was depressed and that you were away a lot-I'm guessing that she was lonely too. Now the trust is broken between both of you. She has to be willing to at least go to a few counseling sessions with you and stop seeing the other guy for an amount of time if there is any chance for both of you to rebuild the marriage. Otherwise, by all means file for divorce.
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
had a big long update. but it was lost in cyberspace. here is the short version.
I hadnt talked to her for well over a week (doin the 180), when she called balling her eyes out asking to see our dog (which i had with me).
I brought her the dog with the intention of putting my foot down and moving back in/filing for divorce.
When I got there, she was different. Good different. She told me that she has been going thru withdrawls of getting off the meds, which has been going on for many days. I was happy to hear this, as the last time I had spoken with her she did not have any desire to get off the meds. She is making an attempt to straighten things out by clearing her head and mind of those things.
She said she still thinks divorce is the best for us, as she wants me to be happy. She doesnt see whats in her future. She said she cant (withdrawls). She said she feels so broken right now, and cant feel anything. We agreed to let things ride a bit while she cleanses herself from the antidepressants. I tell you what, she has already changed big time. She is emotional, she is talkative. She laughs. She said she was terribly sorry.
I said I want to move back in, which she didnt want. She said no, and said that If I did she would move in with her female co worker/friend. She claimed that its so hard getting off the pills and she wants to take one thing at a time. I said thats fine, and I understand and I respect the steps she was taking.
I walked thru the whole house, and no sign of anyone else living there. So that helped me make the decision to give her more time. She even said that she sleeps on the couch, not in our bed.
And, she offered to give me a hug, I said no thanks (180). I asked if she wanted a hug, she half ass chuckled and said no. Then a few minutes and coversations had passed and I said bye to our dog. She then comes over and gives me a hug out of the blue, after I had said I don't want one, and she saying she didnt want one either......progress? - we will only see.
I'm still doing the 180. I love that thing. Women are F*in nuts, or at least this one is!!!!
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
No kids. better get out now. looks like she has mental issues.
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I tell you what, she has already changed big time. She is emotional, she is talkative. She laughs. She said she was terribly sorry.
You are in your own fog. She keeps yours house, f*cks the other guy in your bed and you think she changed? God help you. She is doing it so that you keep paying the bills and will dump you at a convenient time.
Did you read the book "No more Mr.Nice guy" ? You are going to walked all over again. The change that comes in 3 days can go away as quickly. You are in denial and this woman is not in love with you.
Thanks for your thoughts, they are noted. Have you read the link I posted about anti depressants and falling in/out of love?
Also, she pays the mortgage on the house now as well as taxes and insurance, and all her own bills. I pay all my own bills too. Like I stated, everything is split up.
Maybe I am in a fog still, but at minimum she has made a step forward to rid of self of the chemical altering drugs. Doesn't change what she did and how I feel about her actions. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice!
That is the one thing I am unaware of, as I have not been involving myself with the details of her life. I do know that no one is living in our house besides her (or no one has moved their **** in anyway).
I'll try to find out. I agree that is the pivoting factor. If she is still seeing him, then its D time.
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Re: Wife had an affair, now says she wants a divorce. Need advice! 
