butterfly007

hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum. I have been in a lot of stress and confusion, I just feel like sharing my story with someone.
I have been married for 3 years now. I had sponsored him to Canada. He was a very sweet and loving man in the beginning.. But now he seems to be the total opposite. My family has spent about 50k for our wedding, it was a big beautiful one. Everything was going fine. I was still studying, so I had no savings of my own. My family spent for the wedding and they became broke after that. Now they could only take care of themselves. My husband expected an easy life when he came here, meaning he thought I would have money or my parents would take care of everything. Well that's not the case. He shortly realized that and started working. But once he started working he began hiding everything from me. He wouldn't tell me his hours or his pay. He thinks my parents are going to take his money cause they did the wedding. But my parents said they don't need anything and just want us to be happy. He also doesn't want to do anything for me. He says what he earns is only enough to take care of himself. He later became acquainted with some relative of his. They are super wealthy. Recently I heard from him and a relative of mine that his wealthy relatives want him to leave me and marry one of their daughter. First I thought it was a joke. Now those relatives of his asked his mom and convinced her to convince him. My mother in law doesn't like me either, so she has been calling and telling him good things about them and asking him to go visit them all the time. So my husband and I have been having on going problems for the last couple of years..but now it has gotten worse. He hides everything thing from me. He visits those relative's and gets home very late. I try now to suspect him.. But the situation I am in now I can't help it. Whenever we start talking we always get into a fight. We have a house. He told me he is going to sell it and use it for his tuition and move to another province to study. He is always coming up with new ideas. And he told me to stay with my parents until he's done. But nothing makes sense to me. I have a feeling he wants to leave me for another woman. But he keeps telling me he loves me,but next minute he would always put me down for some reason. Now I am 2 months pregnant. When I told him he was confused.. He said he was happy, he said he loves me, he kissed me but kept telling me to check when I was conceived. I knew he was suspecting me even though I am always with him or my family. That's when I realized I had enough. I told him I don't want to be with him anymore due to all reasons. He said fine. I was so heartbroken. We haven't spoken for almost 2 weeks now. We live together, but I know he's planning something behind my back. He's been always going to those relative's of his and leaving me lonely at home. He knows I'm pregnant but it breaks my heart to know he doesn't care one bit, and its our first child. He's been calling the bank to sell the house, but I had told him I won't sign anything. Even though I had said I don't want to be with him deep inside I do still love him and I don't want our child to not have a father. I don't know what to do. My family says to try and work it out. But my husband is so immature and ignorant. He only goes by what he thinks or what his mother says. I really don't know what to do. I have no-one to talk to about this. I had stopped talking to all friends because he thought I was wasting time. Now I am lonely, depressed and angry. I am also studying and trying to finish my degree. Its really frustrating. Even if I was to seek counselling or consult a lawyer I don't have the money to do so. I'm just looking for some comforting words.

sisters359

This is a very difficult situation at a very difficult time. Try not to make any major decisions while pregnant--the hormones will make it so hard to know what is right. Let logic be your only guide, no matter whether something "feels" right or not. And using logic means taking time to gather the facts before making a decision.

Put some time and distance between you and him and see how you fare. It might honestly be better not having him in your life. Ask yourself how you can love someone so unkind--probably you love what you *thought* he was, and once you realize this, you may grieve to have lost the fantasy, but you can let go of him much quicker.

Are you from the same culture? Was this an arranged marriage? It seems like you do not know him well and didn't really know him b/4 you married him.

If you really want things to work, find out what his legal status is and, if you must, use that to force him to accept counseling together. That is risky, b/c he could fake it to stay in your country until a point he could just walk away and not fear deportation. But it does not sound like he would respond to anything but a threat to have him deported, so you may have to do it.

I hope you can focus on what is best for you and the baby and learn to let go, b/c I think you would be much happier. But of course, only you can decide that. Good luck.