Sorry if this turns into a lengthy post. I haven't got anyone I can talk to about this as none of my friends are married, so thank you in advance for reading.
Me and my husband have been married about 2 1/2 years now. When we first got together he was chatty, we laughed, we spoke a lot and it was a 'normal' relationship.
I got pregnant and because he was in the army and was based in the north of England he wanted to take care of me. So we married and I was elated I had a great day and he did too. But things went downhill soon after that.
I have never had a wild sex life, I'm really quite shy but when I'm in a relationship it's not like that, I was ready to do all the things I wanted, I want to be a wife who wants sex and I honestly do. He just went off me so quick. After a month of marriage I thought I'd surprise him by wearing lingerie under a longcoat when I collected him from work and when I showed him, he wasn't interested. Cut me like a knife, something may of been bothering him, he may of been tired but he was so rude and abrupt and never apologised.
He's not really a touchy feeling person, I love hugs and affection, being playful and I'm a sensual person. But he isn't at all. He'll only want sex once a month, but even then it's at night, in the dark and I just can't really enjoy it . I'm an attractive woman, Im a burlesque performer so take care of my body and looks, I'm intelligent and I'm always busy making things. I stay home and take care of our two children. So it can't be my looks.
We have developed into two seperate people. He says he lives in a permanent state of unhappiness and that's how he is. He doesn't care for closeness, sex, affection or even conversation. He will happily sit there every evening and read. I'm jealous of his stupid e-reader as he gives it more attention than me. I'm sorry to say I feel left out and hurt as he will smile and hug the children but at me, it's poker face nothing. I ask for a hug and hell just rest his arms on me n pay my back like his mate.
He tells me he loves me but I can't see how. If I put my hand on his, he'll never grasp it now. I feel so rejected.
We've tried counselling a year back but its 'not his thing' as it involves talking. If I try to talk to him, he'll get angry and leave. I wrote him letter but I asked once what he thought as he showed no signs he read it and he said 'it's all bull****' I really opened my heart up in them.
I feel stuck in this relationship. There's no sex, no hugging or touching. Hardly any laughter and I try so hard so be a good wife but I don't want to be a doormat. He's more interested in how nice the house is, but he's too damn lazy to do it himself. He just comes in from work and pretty much sits on his arse. Ive tried suggesting things to do but, he dont want to know. I was thinking of getting a babysitter once a week so we can go out for a meal or a drink somewhere to talk about anything.
He's going to Kenya end of October for an army posting for 6 weeks and I really feel if it's this bad still wen he leaves, to take my kids and run.
About a week ago I wanted to talk about 'us' and he went absolutely mental. He went upstairs n was shouting he was going. I went up after him and stood at the door so he couldn't run out on his kids n he was shouting he's effing leaving , he doesn't effing want me, why don't I leave him alone and he said he didn't love me. He tried pulling me out of the way and was screaming in my face he didn't want me. He just packed a bag and said he was leaving the next day, but he didn't go. I asked him wen he was going, I honesty thought that was it, he said 'why, do you want me to go?' I said no, I wish I said yes.
I love him, I'm scared of being alone. I have no family. I'm totally dependant in him. He's been violent once on our second wedding anniversary. We got back to the hotel after I arranged a day of archery, Italian food and a pub like the good days. In the room he accused me of saying I regretted and resented our kids and was shouting right in my face. His face screwed up so ugly. I kept saying I didnt know what he was saying. He kept putting his hands around my neck and shouting in my face that I'm sick and he loves his kids. He was drunk and I was tipsy. He was pushing me around, he banged my head on the floor. He threw my razor at me and told me to kill myself as he didn't want to go to prison for doing it himself. He threw off his wedding ring. He started crying after about his stepdad who hit him. He only apologised the day after. I had bruises round my neck and he offered to go to the police, I said no.
I think he has PTSD or depression but he won't go to the doctors.!i don't think he thinks there's anything wrong.
I don't know what to do. I'm on my own on a military camp with people I don't know. I hardly speak to anyone. I want this to work but it feels unsalvagable to me.
Sorry if all that sounded choppy, I'm on my mobile.
xxx Posted via Mobile Device