Am I a fool??
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-05-2009, 02:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 8
Unhappy Am I a fool??

After 6 years of marriage I feel this is breaking point. The question is, how much do you 'give' before you know it's time to 'give up'.

I do truly love my husband and all the special points that make him a good man. But he sees the world so differently to me. He has no sense of responsibility and puts himself first all the time. He and my daughter (now 17) kick off all the time and it's exhausting. I get home from work after a long commute and he's just sat there drinking watching crap tv. He is emotional 'challenged' due to a tough life as a youngster, and I have usually coped ok, but I've got a lot of baggage too and with the stress building, now I'm resorting to child like behaviour to get a reaction. Unfortunately it's having the desired effect and I'm getting scarred for both us.

Having extended my mortgage a few years ago on the basis of 2 incomes, I am now forced to sell up because he gave me little contributions, now gives me nothing and hasn't done for over 6 months. I know the recession is having an impact but he still drinks and gambles daily!!??!! It has created so many arguments (increasingly volatile), we're beginning to 'hate' each other and the drinking is getting really bad.

All my head screams to end it, but I'm in such turmoil emotionally, my heart can't let go. I'll lose my lover, my only good friend and confident and all our hopes and dreams of the new life together we planned for when the teen goes her own way.

When do you know when to quit?

How do you bite the bullet and take the leap - I'm terrified.
Baobab is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Old 06-05-2009, 02:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
D8zed's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 285
Default Re: Am I a fool??

How do you know when to quit? A good place to start is by reading "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay". It will help you decide if there is enough 'good' left to stay in the marriage.
D8zed and Confused
D8zed is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-05-2009, 03:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 8
Default Re: Am I a fool??

Thanks, I'll take a look. New to this stuff so appreciate all comments
Baobab is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-06-2009, 06:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
Blanca's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 4,040
Default Re: Am I a fool??

Have you ever heard of alanon? its for family and friends of alcoholics. There are a lot of women there, and some men, who are going through exactly what you are and can really help you learn some coping skills. i went to some meetings myself and it was so helpful. if there isnt a group in your area then you can also get the literature off their website. its really helpful. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
Blanca is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-14-2009, 05:26 AM   #5 (permalink)
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 9
Default Re: Am I a fool??

its hard when you know what a marriage is supposed to be, and that is what you want, and it seems that the other does not. the drinking and gambling is probably more out of frustration and anger about his personal situation. you even said the drinking has recently gotten worse.. the drinking is stress related.. everyone has a release for anger and stress.. he has turned to drinking.
im sure you understand this, but maybe he hasnt fully grasped it..
joshtried is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-16-2009, 03:52 PM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 8
Default Re: Am I a fool??

Mm, so what's the key? Getting him to grasp it?? Because I have been truly crap at that (and communication is supposed to be a strength ironically in work). Thank you Blanca for the Al anon site. I will follow it up when I feel less tearful
Baobab is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I an fool? Pluto2 Coping with Infidelity 9 01-27-2012 07:57 PM
Am i being a fool to believe him? mssherlock22 The Men's Clubhouse 7 11-21-2011 09:10 AM
Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on ME. I am devastated. LonelyNLost Coping with Infidelity 16 03-29-2011 08:26 AM
Am I being a FOOL jdotty Considering Divorce or Separation 1 10-19-2010 08:24 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:

Sponsor Ads

Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:35 PM.

Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage