I have just discovered the forum and have spent hours reading over previous threads, the advice and support that is offered is wonderful.
I hope you’ll forgive me for posting when I am not married, only in a de facto relationship, but it has been 9 years long and we live together and share finances/furniture etc, so it is a similar situation and the advice here is very relevant.
I have always had niggling doubts my partner was the right one, and I have been very unhappy for the last 3+ years. I have gone to IC and read every ‘should I stay or go’ book under the sun, and spoken at lenght to my partner to try and communicate better and fix our problems, but everything points to the fact that we’re not compatible, we’ll never make each other happy, we want different things etc. I am 27 and he is the only guy i've dated, and I feel like we have grown up into such different people to when we were 18.
After a LOT of soul searching and feeling dead inside, I decided I have to leave for my sanity. I have had “the talk” with my partner several times, where I state I feel like we should have a break or breakup and one of us move out, but every time I do, he either (a) manages to convince me I have a totally warped view of the world and our relationship and I would be mad to leave because things are great and I will regret it or (b) seeing him upset breaks my heart and I feel terrible hurting him and drop the matter.
I have now miraculously found a place to live within my price range, and I don’t think I can face sitting through another xmas and NYE pretending things are fine when they’re not, so really want to move out and have a break for six months (to see if the things I am desperately unhappy about don’t seem so important after all, or to see if being on his own will be the motivation for him to change) or breakup (if he won’t accept a break/separation).
I just don’t know how to successfully do it, without being talked out of it or made to feel guilty about the pain I am inflicting
I also don’t know how to find the self-belief that I am doing the right thing and won’t regret it .
Does anyone have any advice? How did people deal with having the ‘conversation’ with their partners, and seeing them break down in tears??? How did you deal with hurting someone who has been such a big part of your life?
Thanks for reading!