I really need some outside advice, please!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » I really need some outside advice, please!

Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 11-29-2012, 11:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I really need some outside advice, please!

I got together with my husband in 03 and married in 04. We were both young and I was madly in love with him. I use to put him before everything and everyone. I left him about 3 years ago and kept on leading him on I guess you can say. I see it as I cared about him too much. Here is my problem.

I want out.

At the beginning of our relationaship here was talk from his family of him being diabetic. He would always reassure me he wasnt. He lied. He went years (5) of not taking care of hisself and when finally found out, I came down on him to care for and love his self as if he chose to live longer for us. I personally feel if someone cant love theirselves, they are incapable of loving another. He would constanly fight with me and say if he's going to die, he's going to die happy.

When I left him 3 years ago, I felt free. I had him constantly calling and begging me to come back. He had also threatend to kill his self. He got sick and had a reallybad infection in his foot. Despite the fact that his family hated me, I was there for him. I stayed in the hospital for 6 weeks with him and left shortly after discharge because he didnt trust me.

After everything, he was in a short relationship with someone and we got back together. I was jealous. I hated to see that he would sacrifice a lot of things for her that he didnt do for me. I hated that his family acted like her best friend but treated me like crap from the begining.

I am so unhappy. I dont know what else to blame it on but the obvious reason. His diabetes was so poorly controlled for so long thathe cannot have kids. It has cause him to have dry orgasms. Now, we have no sex life. He now has ED I guess. I wonder if its just me. There are other things to do but he doesnt even try.

He is also very materialistic and I am not. He cares more about the latest gadget then his health and I cant take it anymore. He cares only about him. Doesnt put in any effort into the marriage. I feel like I living witha brother or room mate. I love him so much, I just dont know if its the right kind of love to stay in it.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I really need some outside advice, please!

It sounds like you are together now.

Does he seem to be committed to you now?

Does he still long for the other woman?

If the answers are "yes" and "no" respectivly then, you need to be up front with him and tell him you are not going to hang around just to see him die. (And mean it)

If the answers are different than that, then you know what you have to do.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:06 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I really need some outside advice, please!

This may come off as harsh and I'm sorry but your post comes off a bit self-centerd too

You saw him happy with someone else, someone that he made sacrifices for and his family liked so you had to have him back???

You KNEW how he was! You knew he probably wouldn't take care of himself and yet you couldn't stand to see him happy with someone else and now that the diese is taking it's toll on his sex life and his reproductive capabilities, YOU don't want him any more!

While I agree that his lack of taking care of himself is not your problem and his refusal to address his ED issues shows a lack of concern for you, I think you need to do some serious soul searching as to why you choose to get back into this marriage when you did.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I really need some outside advice, please!

You are right, I do feel like i got back with him because of that reason, but he has had the ED problem and fertility issues for years, maybe 6 now. We have always seem to look past that and do other things, but it seems like he is not interested in me anymore.

Also, he continued to call me while he was with her. We got back together a year and a half ago.
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Old 11-29-2012, 12:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I really need some outside advice, please!

Yeah, I don't get it either...
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