Wife not Sure if she want to stay married - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
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Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

About a week ago I went out with a friend of mine and I ended up drinking way too much. I lost my keys and he gave me a ride home. I ended up passing out with out much confrontation other than I wanted to go find my keys.
Needless to say I slept on the couch and woke up the next morning and she tells me that we are done. Later on that say she tells me that she is not sure what she wants to do so she is going to table everything until after the holidays (January).
We have two daughters 4 and 1. They are my world. I was thinking about leaving myself because we have not been happy for a while. The ironic thing is that the second she said we were done I new that she was the only woman for me and that I love her with all my heart.
In the past few days she has been telling me that I am smothering her and that if I do not give her space to think things are not going to go the way I want. I am trying to give her space but it is killing me because I want to start working toward being a better husband and father.
We are still living together and sleeping in the same bed. I know I need to back off but y question is this:
Given the cliff notes version of my situation is there any hope for us at all or do I start putting my affairs in order?

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 02:54 PM
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

Such little info. But i'll throw my 2 cents there.

First. Be honest with us and yourself: "Do you drink too much?" Meaning, is it a problem?

Second. Be dam sure there isn't another man/woman. Can't be sure nowdays.

Third. Tell her how you feel, short and sweet! If you want to be a better husband / father, tell her and tell her you're willing to do w/e you need to do to be better. Short n sweet is key here, don't talk forever on it. Once you say it, she'll know what you said, so don't plug it in all the time.

Fourth. Read up on the 180 plan. Act happy, be happy and be distant. Don't pressure her. Ask her if she'd like you to sleep in another room to help her think. If not, be sure to say good night to her, see if she needs anything before bed etc. Just be nice and don't overflaunt it.

Fifth. Be patient and BE OPEN MINDED. Try not to beg or plead, and be happy and distant.

Sixth: Buy some books!

Divorce Remedy (or Divorce Busting, DR is newer)

The 5 Love Languages

His Needs, Her Needs

No More Mr. Nice Guy (just in case)

There's more but that'll get you started. I think Divorce Remedy will be good for you to start out with. THen probably His needs her needs.

Given the reason for this, there's always a chance. Keep in mind, if it was a done deal it would be much worse. Maybe some others will chime in here and help out.

Good luck my friend, sorry you're here but glad you found us. Be happy.

"It's not about how hard you can hit. It's about how hard you can GET HIT and keep moving forward"
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 03:09 PM
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

Sounds like there may be a third person involved check phone records put a var in her car and one in the house I think you will get some answers.
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

I have done this about 8 times in the eight years we have been together. I usually only have a beer or two at home but I had way too much that night. I quit drinking but it was too late and I was stupid drunk. I did not intend to drink like that and I did not want to do it because I was pressured by anyone to drink.

I have offered to go to AA and will probably do so anyway but I am willing to do anything to keep my family together.

I do not believe and she has given me no reason to not trust her so I will continue to be a fool until she proves otherwise.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 11:32 PM
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

It doesn't make sense that she would want to leave just because you got wasted a few times over the years. Unless of course its an going habit which you said its not.There must be something else going on. Maybe someone else. Look at emails, texts and calls.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 07:32 PM
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

" I was thinking about leaving myself because we have not been happy for a while. " Could the answer be in what's behind that line? If you can't make sense of her being ready to walk then I agree with the other posters. Look at phone records, put a key logger on your computer etc. Its always easier to walk when you have a place (or another person) all lined up.
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 12-04-2012, 07:41 PM
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Re: Wife not Sure if she want to stay married

Get help for yourself. You're the only one you can change

Become a better man for your girls and whatever else happens, you'll still be a better man
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