we are separating...
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Considering Divorce or Separation If you're considering divorce or separation, this is the place to talk.

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Old 06-20-2009, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question we are separating...

so the choice was made to separate... She is planning to leave the last week of july through the first week of august. Now what do I do, we can not afford to live in separate apartments, we only have a small 700sqft apartment, I offered to sleep on the couch, and she said that is an outragous idea... sleep in the bed with me. I am I suppose to do, she says talking constantly about our feelings causes her to have anxiety attacks, making her sick to her stomach, and she crys all the time, yet so do I. I want her here, to be clear I don't want separation, but it is has to be done wether I like it or not. I need some space to think for my self. My mom told me when I first started dating " you can only hold some one so close, the more you pull them in, the faster and farther you push them away." My question is what do I do with the time we have together before the seapration?
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Old 06-20-2009, 06:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

Ignore her. Give her a taste of what's losing.
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Old 06-20-2009, 07:42 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

that is an option i have debated, but at the same time i want to be the bigger person and not stoop to her level. i also don't want to piss her off so bad that she won't come back to me.
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Old 06-20-2009, 10:24 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

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Originally Posted by kuyaeye View Post
that is an option i have debated, but at the same time i want to be the bigger person and not stoop to her level. i also don't want to piss her off so bad that she won't come back to me.
So just make it very clear to her that yes you do want to fix things, and it would just be best to have a bit of space for awhile for the two of you to sort things out. Staying there together probably wont achieve that.

Could you go stay with someone for a couple of weeks? If the problems are complicated though, it could end up taking much much longer.

I really don't see how you can separate and still sleep in the same bed.

Last edited by Dark Angel; 06-20-2009 at 10:25 PM. Reason: my typing SUCKS!!
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Old 06-21-2009, 09:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

dcrim, that is a horrible thing to say! I have been where she is, having panic attacks and crying all the time. It is an awful place to be in.

She needs space. Kyeaeye, can you move in with a friend or with your parents?

The reason she is having panic attacks is because she doesnt see away out. And, she wants it to wrok but cant see how it will. If she was over you she wouldn't be having panick attacks...

You need to give her space and, from personal experience, it takes about two onths to be in the right head space to move forward together with councelling... You both just need "time out"... Can you go some place for a month or two?
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Old 06-21-2009, 09:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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People who have never had panic attacks can't understand how bad it can be. Its one of the most horrible feelings in the world. The worst part is you feel so stupid about it too because sometimes it just makes no friggin sense, but you cant control it.

Ive had problems with them on and off since childhood. My wife could never really understand them. I was good our whole marriage (with the odd incident) but I never let it stop me. My sister in law has the same problem but worse, and I really sypathize with her as my wife rags on her to constantly "aww just get over yourself already". She needs help, not hassled by her own family.

Please try to have patience with this with your wife, many people dont realize how bad it can get.
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Old 06-22-2009, 07:16 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

I don't have a place to go, and neither does she, we have no close friends, we have pretty much split the apartment that we have if she is in the living room, then I an in the bedroom and vise versa... she has told me if she wanted out, she would have left already. So her saying that gives me a little hope of her coming back after the separation...

I would like to thank you all for the posts, support, and insight i never thoughtit would help so much, thank you all
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Old 06-27-2009, 08:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

I say treat her like a goddess!!! to show her what she will be giving up.

Personally, i love to be told that i am loved, and the things that i do are appreciate. a little foot rub means the world to me. the little things that show me that you love me and cherish me.

If you help me cook and clean, i will be greatful. But if you act like you enjoy being with me, and love to touch me {not sexually}, just do the little things that show me that you love me and cherish me, and i will do anything for you.

maybe you can change her mind about leaving....good luck
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Old 06-29-2009, 07:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: we are separating...

Ok, so this weekend she told me that she was uneasy about leaving and she doesn't want to separate, but she is still going? I am confused? she either wants to go or not? For the record, I do all the cooking and cleaning.
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