I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-14-2008, 02:03 AM Thread Starter
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I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

one child already that's seven and one of the way I'm due in April. I been with my husband now for over two years. I can't take it anymore I'm at my wits end with everything that's been taking place. He sits and plays games all the time day and night. He won't help me do anything around the house no dishes laundry clean up nothing. When he gets home from work it's the first thing he does is get on the computer, it's the first thing he does when he gets up. We talk here and there but it's no fun having to talk to someone when they are busy with a game or watching wrestling. We got married almost two months ago and I have had some problems with this pregnancy being sick all the time and a lot of swelling. He is in the military and we were supposed to go over to the base so I can get my Id card and do the Tri care stuff. I'm still waiting I'm getting to far along to be screwing around. I been going to the health dept for visits in the meantime when I found out I was pregnant. We never make it over to the base on his days off he will stay up all night long and want to sleep all day. If I wake him up I swear I'll hear about it for hours and he is useless at that point because he is so tired he can't think or really function and he just sits there and does not move. I been thinking about leaving him sense Thanksgiving I was cooking and cleaning and he was upstairs playing games and on porn. He came down twice the whole day to get something to eat and that was it other than that I sat downstairs by myself the whole time. For months that all he did was sit up in our bedroom day in and day out and play games. I sat down here day after day night after night alone. Then he got a dog I was like great. I knew he would not take care of the dog and he never wants to take it out the dog chases my cat and jumps all over me. I don't like that because I'm pregnant I don't want a 60 pound dog running over my belly when I'm trying to sleep. So I stopped sleeping upstairs months ago and started sleeping on the floor. Because he refused to lock up his dog so it would stop jumping all over the place. The dog is constantly ruining me and my daughters things it chews everything it will go to the bathroom on everything. I take it out but when he is home he won't and will there you go. He will wear the same clothes for weeks before washing them. He won't shower on his days off and I'm not even sure he uses soap when he does shower for work. He does not own a toothbrush so he does not brush his teeth. All he wants to do is sleep eat and play games. He won't take out the trash me and my daughter do. I have ask him over and over to change the cat box it would be days until he would so being pregnant I have to do it anyway. I just can't take it anymore. I have tried to talk to him about it he gets really angry and starts yelling and says it's my fault and basically he does nothing wrong and everything is my fault. I talked to some family and they have seen all this first hand and they support me if I want to leave. I do want to leave I have tried everything and feel there is no help to this situation. I can't live like this with a dirty person who won't do anything it's driving me crazy. We don't have sex at all if I touch him he will say what are you doing get off me or push me off and so forth. That really bothers me he does that all the time. It's like were married but yet I'm not allowed to touch you or do anything with you. So I give up does anyone have any advice on what I should do and why he might be like this any opinions would be great thanks for reading.

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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-14-2008, 11:28 AM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

Wow a lot to take in.

He is lazy and self serving.

Why are you still with this guy?

Why did you get with him to begin with?

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-14-2008, 03:37 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

perhaps bipolar? research any symptoms and personal experiences about people living with people who are diagnosed bipolar.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-14-2008, 06:54 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

I agree with oceanbreeze, if you are not ready for a devorce i would try to find out if there is an illness and seek help for yourself and for him. if he isnt willing to get diagnosed i would say get out now before you spent your life on him.
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-15-2008, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

To answer your question he was not like this when I met him it was after moving in together and getting married where things did a 360. The only thing I can think of is he didn't let me see the real side of him until later on. The last 4 months things got even worse than it ever was before. But I can't honestly say if this is what would be causing it or the fact of his serious weight gain from being addicted to games and not wanting to do anything but his games.

bipolar sounds about right from what I have read online and stories of others who has someone at home with it. Some people go through a freak show all the time their words not mine. If I bring it up and ask him to go see a doctor to find out what's wrong I'm not going to get anywhere. I know already he will refuse but I can at least try. A lady I read about said she kept logs on her husbands behavior then approached him and after he calmed down she got him to sit and talk with her and was showing him his behavior and changes that has been going on with him. Sense he has been on medication it's made a big difference.

I have read online others who live with someone addicted to games it can consume their entire life. They have no desire to do anything but the game they are playing. That sounds more like him from being on it day in and day out. Eating at his computer to staying up for hours to sleeping for hours it's like they lose touch with reality. Unfortunately some people stay and stick it out hoping the person will change and sometimes they do. But I don't want to be one of the girls who's been with someone for years and that's all they do.

But if it is bipolar once I leave because I am leaving him I have done made up my mind about that he might start seeing what's going on with him that he seems to be in this big denial over. I have done been pushed as far and I'm going to go. This is to much stress and I don't have the want or energy right now to slave after a person. That's what I pretty much do here if I don't do it nothing gets done. The further along I get the more aggravated I become. Thanks to all for your comments but I learned along time ago you can't help a person if they aren't willing to help themselves.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 06:41 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

First and foremost you need to protect yourself, daughter and unborn child. From the sounds of things your health, mental health and example your showing your daughter is not good. Perhpas, leaving will be a wake up call for him. As far as the military goes, I think if you take your marriage license you can go to the base without him. There should be someone you can call and find out. You must have doctor's care it is vital. Furthermore, there are other millitary benefits you may be missing out on. Do not let him bring you down. Pull yourself up and take care of what needs to be taken care of. You have the support of your family, which many do not. Take a moment and look at the big picture....we are here if you need us.

Last edited by kajira; 01-16-2008 at 06:42 PM. Reason: spelling
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-17-2008, 03:14 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

Being Military you can call his First Sargent if enlisted. And They will make him man up. If he is an officer Call his CO. The biggest problem you will have is that if you use the system to make him do the right thing it can cause other problems. Being a military dependant you and your children are entitled to certain benefits.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-17-2008, 05:11 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

OMG!! is this dude on Meth or something? I don't know sweetie..do you really want someone who behaves this way around your children? Was he like this before you married him? Thorian brought up a very good point there..Get ahold of whomever is over this dude and take care of yourself. He may be bipolar who knows. But by what your saying I wonder how long your going to beable to survive this. A good friend of mine told me once that you can love someone with all of your heart but still not beable to stay with them. It's not a crime to leave if you have to. I hope your alright and can take of yourself.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-11-2008, 11:28 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

So is it World of Warcraft or some other MMO game?
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-09-2008, 12:56 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

I'm in the same situation. I'm 4 months pregnant with our second baby and my husband sucks. He treats my oldest son (who is from a previous relationship) like crap too. We live in KY and I just found out that you can't get a divorce here until the baby is born. What a bunch of bs that is!

Oh, and my husband is in the military too.

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-12-2010, 09:03 AM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

I know this old but I couldn't resist.

I have been a military spouse for over 10 years, with 3 wonderful kids, and WE are avid gamers. Seriously my house is a gamer heaven. Does that make us bad parents or bad spouses? Nope. We keep our time on games limited to ONLY when the kids are asleep (naptime and nighttime). We also keep Friday nights open for date night. Love fridays.

Being Military you can call his First Sargent if enlisted. And They will make him man up. If he is an officer Call his CO. The biggest problem you will have is that if you use the system to make him do the right thing it can cause other problems. Being a military dependant you and your children are entitled to certain benefits
Second of all, this quoted post is screwed up. You DO realize that this would get him put on guard duty (24 hr duty), put a letter in his file (so he will have issues getting promoted), and cause a lot more trouble for him then is needed? I can't list everything that would happen, because I don't purposely try to destroy my HUSBAND'S career. The military shouldn't be getting involved in marital problems. It's a JOB.

My husband is an officer and has to deal with whiney wives all the time. Do you realize how annoying that is to wives like me? My husband is running off trying to fix YOUR marriage, because YOU complained? Man, seriously, why get the officers involved in something that's NONE of their business. This is YOUR marriage, it's NOT theirs! They just want to do their job, and that doesn't include babysitting your marriage.

When he becomes VIOLENT or ABUSIVE that's when you should be reporting it to an officer or higher-up. Not something like "wahh I didn't get off my lazy butt and look/ask how to get an id by myself". Please. This is SMALL potatoes. When he BEATS you, that's when you should report it.

I hope you realize this post/idea should be a LAST - VERY last - resort.

You ARE entitled to benefits, but they come immediately out of his pay (he's not even really required to fill out much paper work after he gets married for them to start docking his pay to pay for them - which he does the day after he gets married, it's required). Your benefits do vary. You WILL need him to get you on base to get an id. The paperwork isn't that difficult, and if worse comes to worse you CAN get a TEMP PASS to get on base in order to get your own id without his help. Then you wait in line, fill out some paperwork, and whalaa you've an id...granted it takes hours waiting in line. I got one for my mother when my husband did his 2nd tour fairly easily, and without my hubby's help.

You CAN however call Tricare and have them send you a card in the mail, so you can get free benefits off-post. You do NOT need to go to a post hospital in order to give birth or even get proper healthcare. Just call them to get another card sent out, and start calling around to see who accepts your insurance.

There is also free therapy, couples and otherwise. If he is REALLY is an addict, he can go off-post (so it's not in his file that he went) and see a therapist about his porn issues or marital issues.

Please look more into your new military life. It is a big deal to be a military spouse, and as such you're mainly required to take care of yourself (and kids) by yourself just in case he is deployed. Mine did 3 tours, and I had a rude awakening the first tour. Learned things fast then. It's a good idea that YOU do the same. My husband is NOT my babysitter. I can take care of myself.

If you don't like the dog, lock it out. If he *****es tell him to let the dog in himself and watch it then. If he does let the dog in and doesn't watch it, let it out again (rinse and repeat, he'll learn). You are letting him treat you like trash and are whining about it. This is YOUR fault for not puttin your foot down. Put it down already!!! (You shouldda seen the argument hubs and I had about the toilet seat, I definately won that one. ;P) You need to stand up for yourself and kids more, as well as learn to take care of yourself. This isn't mommy and daddy's house anymore, this is YOURS.

Also, as such avid gamers, my husband and I both know INSTANTLY when someone else is (including each other). You KNEW before you were married that he was a gamer, don't try to act surprised now. Either accept it, or discuss it with him. If discussing it doesn't work, get a divorce if you suddenly can't live with it. There ARE key indicators when people are gamers, it doesn't just sneak up on you.

PS. Get the hell off the floor. Any woman that willingly sleeps on the floor because of whatever reason while pregnant, is stupid. You say you are worried about yourself and your kids, yet you willingly put yourself in a position like that just to "prove a point", "have a reason to cry", or to get his "attention. Childish.

Last edited by frostwhyteangel; 02-12-2010 at 09:19 AM. Reason: Typo
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 02-12-2010, 01:48 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

I have been around/in/married to the military my entire life, and I have never heard of a wife being able to get her own ID card without her husband or a POA> I also know that if he doesn't have her in DEERS that she can't get her tricare card. I was AD for 6 years and have been married to my military man for 8 years. You can't just go get your own. Yeah, a temp pass sure, but what are you gonna do on post without an ID? Nothing.

I would think that since you have been married to the military you would have more tact then to talk to a new wife like that.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 06-16-2010, 11:17 AM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

let me tell you sweetie get out of this while you can or you will be like me married for 16years with the same man ! They don't change and if they do its when you decide to leave them or when someone else is interested in you already so my simple expertise advice is leave him, you have help from family I did not I have 5 kids please sweetie do not stay in this mess take care and next time your interested in someone just date for 5 years, seems long but then you really know what your getting into . This advice comes from all my life lessons please let my lessons help you . God bless and take care.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 07-17-2010, 01:50 PM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap


I am having same things, my husband is in same way 100% and he is in military too. I really do not know what to do, I feel so hopeless and depressed. He is watching porn all the time and jerking off. He refuses me. He is insulting me psyhically also I am not an unattractive woman. And always threating me he will put me and my 3 y o on the street and leave me without money or anything. He is alcoholic, he hust got out of rehab but started again. Also he found a girl roommate and he moved there and he got trouble, and came back again. He never clean anything, when he come from work he put his boots, uniform everywhere, and just sit on xbox 360 all day. When he plays he even ignore me if I ask something or needed help. He brush his theet once a month and never wash hands after toilet.(only if I ask like his mom) After he cleans his nose he leaves napkins everywhere. And after he eat a food or anything never put it to kitchen, leave it on the table. Never take out trash even it is leak or stinks. Car is another trash story. And he calls me a bithch all the time. And always blame me that I do not clean the house well. Now please tell me if I have faults. Would you consider live with a guy like that?
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-05-2010, 11:25 AM
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Re: I'm pregnant and my husband treats me like crap

I'm having the same kind of thing, I'm six months pregnant, it was planned, my partner and I both wanted it, but he has been getting stranger and stranger ever since we found out I was pregnant. He never wants to have sex with me but he can manage to masturbate early in the mornings so it's not an erection problem. He stays out as much as possible and behaves like he is free and single going out with his friends more than ever.He has always smoked cannabis but has almost given up before, but now he smokes more than before.I don't know what to do, hope that he will sort himself out by the time the baby arrives or get rid of him now as he is constantly upsetting me. He used to be so attentive and loving , now he just doesn't give a monkeys most of the time.
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