Feeling trapped and confused - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-29-2012, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
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Feeling trapped and confused

To make a long story short my husband wanted to move to a smaller town so I gave up my career to join him. Was also trying for a baby then and figured with the slower pace that would be easier too.
I found a steady part time job that I gave up to work on a business that he had started. The week I quit I found out I was pregnant. Miscarried a few months later, unable to conceive since. About six months later the business closed.
In the meantime the place I live in, Ontario, changed the temporary labour laws so that you can no longer just register and get called for short term office work and last year I burnt myself out with job hunting and worked a low end, demoralizing job but it was all I could find. I have now been out of my profession to long and now there is an economic slowdown that is due to only get worse.
Also, I rarely get to see friends enough in recent years for it to feel right to ask them for help but where the above-minimum wage jobs are, it's extremely expensive to live as well.
I'm not in what I would call an abusive relationship but I am finally admitting to myself how emotionally manipulative he is. Sleeps on the couch a lot, sulks a lot, complains I don't initiate sex enough but rebuffs me when I do, doesn't let me drive either of his cars even to get to work, I can't bring up any issue with him without it turning into an attack on me or a tirade about how he pays all the bills right now (he definitely doesn't struggle financially). Yet I've drained my savings buying the groceries and do all the cleaning and cooking (everything from scratch). Even when we had split the bills 50-50 he would cover more for any vacations we went on and would Lord it over me. Even at the height of my career I earned less than half what he did.
I barely see my family as they are not close by. This season I pushed for us to stay longer and he lied in order to cut it short. I don't even make him spend any time around anyone he dislikes.
If I got a good job offer somewhere or won the lottery tomorrow I'd be gone at this point; I'm so drained.
Maybe I'm paranoid but it almost feels like he intended to trap me financially and I fell for it.
I just don't know what to do right now and scared to start over from scratch again. But I have to get financially independent again to salvage any remaining sanity and I really do not like where I live right now.

Last edited by confused_in_ca; 12-29-2012 at 08:42 AM. Reason: To add thoughts
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-30-2012, 09:06 AM
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Re: Feeling trapped and confused

I'm sorry for your situation. You may not think so, but it is abusive to be treated this way. You should do all you can to become independent, even if it is a little at a time. Can you contact a relative to house you till you get on your feet?

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-30-2012, 11:02 AM
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Re: Feeling trapped and confused


You CAN do it! I did, and you can, too!

Left my financially-irresponsible H of 19 years in May 2012. Had been a SAHM w/o a job for 10+ years. Moved 7 hours away to my home state and am staying with a relative. Found a good job in June 2012.

Make good money, pay my own way, have LITTLE contact with my STBXH, see family regulary, and friends sometimes, have not been THIS HAPPY in DECADES!!!

LIFE IS GOOD again! It will be for you, too!

I am looking for an even-better job. Looking for a way to move out on my own. Looking for a way to heal from my cr*ppy marriage. There is ALWAYS work to do! You just need to make a plan and GET BUSY.

1. Is there a relative or friend who would let you live with them? Or loan you money to get back to where you want to live?

2. Reach out to friends (even if it's been a while); REAL FRIENDS want to help you, cheer you up, uplift you when you need it.

3. Get your resume updated.

4. Call local churches/social organizations to see if they can help you (even if it's just a bus ticket out of town).
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