I would say she has some form of PTSD. She does target me for her own unhappiness. I just put up with it [from your post yesterday in the other thread].
Bjorn (aka, Bear), welcome to the TAM forum. Perhaps your W does have "some form of PTSD," as you say. That is not what you are describing, however. Rather, the behaviors you describe -- verbal abuse, threats of self harm, temper tantrums, always being "The Victim," blame-shifting, inability to trust, and very controlling behavior -- are classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Moreover, the physical abuse is known to be strongly associated with BPD. A 1994 study of spouse batterers, for example, found that half of the batterers had full-blown BPD and most of the rest had another type of personality disorder.
Because BPD can be passed on to the children (through genetics and/or emotional abuse), I suggest that you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what you and your son are dealing with. You can ask him what the chances are she will pass her issues on to your son. Typically, BPD traits do not appear at a strong level until the early teens.
I also suggest that, while you are waiting for an appointment, you read about BPD traits so you will know how to spot the red flags. Although you will not be able to make a diagnosis (only professionals can do that), spotting the warning signs is not difficult. There is nothing subtle about traits such as verbal abuse, temper tantrums, and threats of self harm.
An easy place to start reading is my brief overview of BPD traits in Maybe's thread at My list of hell!
. If that description rings a bell, I would be glad to discuss it with you and point you to excellent online resources. One such resource is the "Raising a Child when One Parent Has BPD"
forum at BPDfamily.com. Take care, Bjorn.