H Wants divorce after 2 weeks of separation

StuckInAMoment · 12-29-2012, 01:03 PM

H and I have been married 15 months, together 5 and a half years.

6 weeks ago he had a spiral of depression and in the last few days of our relationship he took an overdose and threatened to self harm. Police were called and he was admitted to hospital who discharged him same day without much help.

Turns out he had been texting someone he worked with for a month and had arranged a hotel room for the night for both of them. I only found out after seeing a text once the room was booked as he filled me with lies that it was a male friend and he was getting some space from us to make sure it was what he wanted before he admitted exactly what was going on. I'm not sure if he was lying or not but he said there'd been no intimacy between the pair,

He's only been back to the marital home once since he left, just to get his clothes, and all I wanted to do was scream at him. Then yesterday, only 2 weeks after he left, he's decided he wants a divorce ASAP and asked if I'll contest, also adding that I can blame him as much as I'd like.

Marriage wasn't something I entered into lightly. It took us 3 and a half years from engagement to getting wed and I thought we were happy. He suggests that he's been trying to talk to me since March/April to tell me he wasn't happy but I know he hasn't. He's never once sat me down and been honest with me about what's going on with us.

He tells me that he's not going to talk to me anymore, yet he calls and texts, asking if I'm OK.

Am I wrong in thinking that if he wants a divorce so quickly that my marriage was built on some sort of lie? He's told me he's not in a relationship with this other person but I know he's still in contact with her. I asked him at least 3 times in the last week if he was having an affair, with a man or a woman, and he told me no...now I know differently.

Despite everything I'll admit I still love him and I'm not really doing too well without him but I just don't know what to do anymore.

If I didn't hate Christmas before...I do now

SlowlyGettingWiser · 12-29-2012, 01:45 PM

Send him a text:

1.) No, I will NOT contest the divorce.
2.) Do NOT text, call, email, phone, drop-by or contact me in ANY WAY to ask if I am okay. It is OBVIOUS you don't give a fvck about me.
3.) You said you were not going to talk to me anymore, I expect you to ABIDE by that. It will apparently be the first, last and ONLY promise to me that you ever kept!
4.) Move on with your life with him, her, it, them, or WHATEVER. I am DONE with you.
5.) My attorney's name is (insert name here). If you need something, contact him/her. S/he is PAID to deal with your sh1t, I'm not.

I'm sorry you're going through this...there is a SERIOUS disconnect with your STBXH.

StuckInAMoment · 12-30-2012, 12:29 PM

I have now learnt through a mutual friend of ours he's now in a relationship with the other person involved. There has been no contact since Thursday when he called and hung up after finding out my parents were in the same room with me; he didn't seem to like that much. I asked him for an afternoon of his time to go through our stuff, but he says he can only give me an hour...an hour to go through 5 and a half years of stuff!

My main problem right now is my family live almost 200 miles away and there is nothing keeping me where I am. I can't afford to move just yet, but in the same breath I can't afford to stay where I am...I've asked for more shifts at work, but as it's the quiet period after Christmas there's no chance. Once I get a little more money in the bank I'm going to ask for a transfer between stores and hopefully move back where I belong...with my family.

SlowlyGettingWiser · 12-30-2012, 12:58 PM

You're being TOO nice to him.

He LEFT you for somebody else.
He can't BOTHER meeting with you to divide stuff.

FINE!

Divide it up any way YOU want. Leave his stuff in boxes somewhere out of the way. When he wants them, he can CONTACT YOUR ATTORNEY who will contact YOU; he can then come pick them up with advance notice to you. He takes the boxes away, easy-peasy. He wants to b1tch about what's in them (or NOT in them) he can b1tch to his attorney.

By the way, since you have NO CHILDREN, I would HIGHLY recommend that you CHANGE YOUR CELLPHONE NUMBER or BLOCK his cellphone # (preferably change yours). He does not EVER need to contact you personally again. Block his emails, home phone, cell phones, Facebook, etc.

Can your family lend you the money to move? Mine did; I've paid 2/3 of them back already in 7 months!

devotion · 12-31-2012, 11:37 PM

My situation was similar. Weeks after the separation divorce was filed. They will continue to lie but another person has stolen your love. Sucks for us..painful but time to move on.

Do consider fault divorce if you can find evidence and want to make them pay..After soul searching I just will let a higher power sort it out