My wife left me help
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Old 01-22-2008, 02:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife left me help

Hello everyone new to the site and looking for some help to try to get my wife back. My wife left me two weeks ago and moved in with her mother. We were having some issues with money spending and communications with each other. Really it is way more my fault I didnít here her when she was try to explain to me about money. We both have good jobs and my thinking was live for today not tomorrow and she wanted to save. I wasnít hearing what she was trying to say, what if one of us would lose are jobs or one would get hurt. I got way to comfortable in the marriage and forgot how to communicate with her. This has been going on for about a year she said. We will be married 8 years on 03-09-08 and she will be 37 in July me I will be 42 in February
I love my wife more then anything and am willing to try to change the things that hurt her. We did everything together and I want to try to get that back.
I am not perfect but never cheated of ever raised a hand to her, it is communications and acceptance to changes and really just hearing her when she talks to me.
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Old 01-23-2008, 09:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me help

COMMUNICATION is the best foundation for a marriage. I have seen to many fall apart because the lack of it. If she has her own e-mail send her a note saying you'll talk to her on her terms even if just in e-mail right now.

So many people wait until it is beyond the point and try to fix something to late.

I'll offer this suggestion to you. Go to an AA meeting and listen to the stories of people that had to lose everything good in their lives before they realized what they lost. These people lost it because of alcohol however, you lost it from lack of communication or rather the lack of listening. Your wife is your partner and needs to have an equal say too. Imagine your marriage is a business and she is your partner.

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Last edited by draconis; 01-24-2008 at 12:03 PM.
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Old 01-24-2008, 05:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Well last nite she came over to the house to show me how to pay the bills on the internet. We started to talk very nice to each other and thats when she ask me for a divorce. I just started to cry, I can not beleave it I told her and ask why are you quiting and she told me she quit a while ago. What should i do.
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Old 01-24-2008, 12:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me help

It is going to need two people willing to work on the relationship to fix it all. My suggestion is try to talk to her calmly no matter what she says and find the root of the problem. Why did she quit a year ago?

Before that how long did she realize something was wrong?

You need to know those two things. Most of all if you can get her to talk you need to LISTEN.

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Old 01-30-2008, 08:53 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hello again, well we started marriage counseling a week after she left. Just last night I got a call from the counselor stating she would not be able to talk to me anymore that my wife wants to be counseled by her self. When we started counseling we started separate and never got the chance to sit down together and talk about everything. Couple things she did tell me was she wanted to settle down more and for us not to run as much as we did. She wanted it to be more just me and her. We have a lot of friends and we were always doing something with other people and not spending quality time together. The other thing is that Iím Italian and some times when Iím trying to get her to give me a hand doing something I raise my voice and she said that just goes through her like a knife. I am a person that if you ask me to do some thing I do it right then at least 95 percent of the time. I always have to ask her at least two or more time to come and help me with something that I might need three hands to do. I drag race a motor cycle and it got to the point she hate the bike, one of the reasons is the money I put into it and the other I think she might be afraid that Iím going to get hurt. Iíve been racing for about 20 years and one of my goal was to go 200 mph and under 7 seconds in the quarter mile. Now she said me trying to change for her is too late. I told her I would quite racing and even sell the bike. Yes I would do that for her and for my self it is dangerous sport and I do not need to get hurt. If you love some one it is never too late to change in my book, but she is holding all the cards. Any suggestions?
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Old 01-30-2008, 11:34 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I forgot to add the more I think back I did here my wife but thought things would just work out it's self, man was I ever wrong.
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Old 01-30-2008, 02:37 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Communication, that is the best thing you can do. Never get anger or upset either. Give her space. Prepare for the fact she may not come back to you.

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Old 01-31-2008, 07:58 AM   #8 (permalink)
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That is the hardest part thinking she might never look back. When you love some one unconditionally that you can not see the future with out her that is so hard too do, even thinking about it just rips my heart out. Itís like part of me died when she left and I do not think I can get past that. One thing I do know life will go one but I do not think I can get past the love I have for her. My wife and I did everything together I could trust her with my life and I need her to see that she still can trust me with heirís and we can get the romance back. I wake up in the middle of the night from a dream that we were laying in bed me just holding her to find itís just her pillow, this is killing me inside. How do you prepare for some thing that you do not want to lose the love in your heart that beats for her? At this point I canít even think straight, two of my very close friends a married couple is trying to help me get past this heart and Iím so grateful for them but nothing is working. Iím going to ask her out for dinner for Valentines Day and see what she says to me. Iím not going to talk about are trouble just try to get back to the days when we were so in love when the fire was so hot. Do you think this would be a good idea for me to try?
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Old 01-31-2008, 09:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I would be inclined to do little things with her but chances are you should try every other week to go on a date. When she says something important you should repeat it back to her in the form of a question to show you are listening to her.

"how are things going?"

"good, the job is picking up and I started college."

"College, how is that going?"

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Old 02-03-2008, 02:21 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife left me help

draconis he's giving you the BEST advice I can think of...I would try the VDAY dinner idea...
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Old 02-04-2008, 08:42 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I will ask her if she would like to go out for dinner on the 14th. I'll keep trying until the end!
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Old 02-04-2008, 04:58 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Best of luck to you!

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Old 02-27-2008, 10:57 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Hello everyone! Just wanted to update everyone who replied to my issues! We are now is marriage counseling and working on our problems. We now are seeing each other 3 days a week spending time together. I thought this marriage was totally over but I’m slowly working my way back. Marriage counseling does work if you go in open minded and here what they are telling you. I found that time does help; the more you push for it to happen the faster they run. I'm still not out of the woods and have a lot of work a head of me, but she is worth the wait and working to get our marriage on a streight path. Thanks again everyone, I’ll check back in a couple weeks. Rick

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Old 03-12-2008, 09:06 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Well found out this week that my wife has been talking to her old boss a lot, she worked for him for about two months and then laid off. He is a dentist! Its way more then a working relationship the amount of time they are spending on the phone. She told me when she worked there that his wife did not like then next thing you know she was gone. I also found out that this guy and his wife are always having ups and downs in there marriage. Not long after she started working there my troubles started to grow, the change of clothes she wore and the titer they got. I found out that she has been talking to him on the phone for long periods of time. I confronted her on it and see told me that it is for work only. My wife now is working for a dental image company and she said he is referring customers to her. There is no way that he is sending that many people to her, from his office to the image center is over 35 miles and that area is a very low income area. The people there do not have that kind of money and it is not covered by insurance. This image machine is new to the area and where we live is an area of middle to upper class people and the dentist in this area are barely sending anyone. Her actions are up and down with me, now see thinks she wants out again. This is a roller coaster ride from hell!!
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Old 03-12-2008, 10:50 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Again a change now she is confused and wants to see the counselor to see if there is anything else we could try. This change was with in a 15 hour period. My wife needs to let the past go, how should I go about this?
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