Originally Posted by draconis
So here is the big question, down in your gut what do you really want?
I think a better question would be, are you in the relationship to see what you can get or to give? Cause we all know, everyone wants to be loved. It's just how we go about it.
One thing I've noticed is, whenever love is withheld because the person thinks it will help them in some way, protect them, avoid pain or whatever it is, it ALWAYS ends in pain.
I'm willing to bet the marriage turned into what they can get and not what they can give.
For this marriage to turn around, you must get out of yourself and get into the other person. Look at meeting their needs. Make their happiness your happiness and when they're sad, it crushes your soul to see them feel that way. When they're in that position, do everything in your power and love them enough to make them happy again. A partners behaviour generally reflects their own behaviour. Give in a way where love is accepted by the partner and you'll find they'll want to give back in return. Make sure they feel it in a way where it means love to them, not in a way where you think it should mean love to them, cause it can easily be mis-interpreted and vary the results.
Without this fundamental shift of coming from a place from love, there's very little chance a marriage will survive. or it may survive, you'll have a friendship, and they may love each other, but there will be no passion, which is really no different than being dead on the inside. We've all seen that around us at some stage, more often than we care to admit and it's not a pretty sight.
Once a person is coming from a place of love and wants to give, it's so easy to meet your partners 6 human needs at levels 8s, 9s, and 10s. It will almost become effortless cause it comes from a place of love where you just want to give, you don't have to consciously think about it so much and worry about what you can get.
If anyone wants to read up more about this, I refer to it as the 4 levels of relationships. You can read it here