Linds1986

Well, to start off. I'm new here. But my life has been so hectic in all things marriage. I'm 21, I happened to get married at the age of 19. We were friends for about a year and started to date, a couple years later we got married. I was pregnant at 17 with our first son. Now we have two boys. They are the best things that have ever happened to me. But ever since my first son, things have been getting worse. We constantly fight, even if its about the most stupidest things you can think of. Now, being three years later we are starting to fight in front of the kids. Thats just a BIG no no. I told him that we either stop fighting, or get a divorce. Couples counseling is pointless in my opinion. If you already have the urge of letting go/seperating its time to be on your own. We have, in fact been seperated but only for a couple weeks at a time. Not a big/long seperation to exactly know if things would work out or not. While during our seperation (one of the few times) still living together, WITH our kids he was seeing a Highschool Ex-girlfriend behind my back. Now, this is they type of guy who I thought would NEVER lie or dishonor me in any way. I found out that he had found her through MYspace, they went out for some lunch, about 4-5 times, even went to the zoo with MY boys together when I specifically told him that I wanted to go that weekend with them because I had to work that day. He ended up going any way and meeting her there "Coincidentaly". I found out that they didn't sleep together, but she kissed him. Even though she is married, and has two daughters of her own. He said to me that he didn't want to tell me because he knew I was going to get mad. I wouldn't approve of him having a woman as a friend. So he kept it a secret. But why during our seperation did he have the urge to track her down? Why would he REALLY keep this from me? What was going through his head? Okay, now...when I first heard this I was 110% sure I was going to leave him. Sometimes its hard to picture my life without him because I have been with him so long. There are so many reasons why...but I don't want to stay with him just because we have kids together. Thats not right. Its not fair to the kids either. Its not fair that I'm dangling him on a string wondering what I'm going to do with him and our marriage. It's all in my hands now and I feel powerless. To top it off...I have met a guy through work, and he makes my heart just FREAK out whenever I see him. I just don't feel that way towards my husband anymore. I wish it so bad sometimes, but it just doesn't anymore ever since he did that to me, he lied to me...he dishonored our vows and I feel like if I took him back, he would do it all over again, the fighting won't stop...what the hell do I do?! ANYBODY! HELP?

__________________
He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever:
I was wrong.

draconis

Well lets cover a few things if e is wrong for what he did how does you emotional affair rate? How can you throw him down when you are doing the same thing now?

One thing I noticed was neither of you acted very mature, and both of you lack true COMMUNICATION skills that will be vital in any relationship.

Do I think you can save your marriage, move on and be happy yes. However, you have to want it enough to put your all into the marriage.

So here is the big question, down in your gut what do you really want?

draconis