He's Happy-He's Not Happy
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Old 03-08-2013, 11:58 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He's Happy-He's Not Happy

For 20+ years I spent my entire life trying to please my husband. I felt like in order to be a good wife you make sacrifices, do things to keep the peace. At this point in my life I decided I want to be happy, I want to worry about what I want and I know it sounds very selfish. As long as he isn't demanding sex and he's providing for our family I'm perfectly content and have no complaints. He told me he is happy but was happier before. When I told him he didn't sound very happy he said "WELL I'M NOT! YOU DON'T CARE WHAT I WANT! THIS IS HOW IT IS-TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT?! ARE WE JUST FRIENDS & NOTHING MORE?!" I guess it's too much to ask to try and meet some of my needs for a change-that makes me a selfish *****. The thing is, I'm really tired of it all.
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:22 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's Happy-He's Not Happy

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I want to worry about what I want...As long as he isn't demanding sex and he's providing for our family I'm perfectly content and have no complaints.
From a husband's standpoint, that doesn't sound like much of a marriage.
  • He has the "privilege" of going to work everyday and providing support for his wife.
  • He doesn't get sex from his wife, and complaining about the lack of sex is considered demanding on his part.
  • His wife now just wants to worry about her own wants.

Can you list one reason why he should continue to stay married to you?

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I guess it's too much to ask to try and meet some of my needs for a change-that makes me a selfish *****.
It doesn't sound like you are not just asking him to meet your needs. It sounds like you have decided to swing the pendulum from one extreme to the other. It was all about your husband for 20 years, so now it should be all about you for the next 20 years.

That's not going to work. Eventually you husband will ask himself the question above, and his answer will be "I can't think of any reason to remain married to her."
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Old 03-08-2013, 03:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's Happy-He's Not Happy

First of all he doesn't go to work every day. He works when he chooses. I, on the other hand, go to work every day.

He doesn't get sex EVERY DAY but he gets sex frequently. His complaint is he doesn't like the kind of sex he gets.

My own wants have always been at the bottom. My viewpoint is if I'm happier everybody around me can be happier. But I'm wrong again.

If he decides he wants to divorce based on those things then I'm not what he needs to be happy anyway.
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Old 03-08-2013, 07:53 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's Happy-He's Not Happy

How do you only work when you want to? Is he self employed? I do agree that you should think of your needs, I do not think that is selfish- Is your husband a naricissist?
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Old 03-09-2013, 07:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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First of all he doesn't go to work every day. He works when he chooses. I, on the other hand, go to work every day.

He doesn't get sex EVERY DAY but he gets sex frequently. His complaint is he doesn't like the kind of sex he gets.

My own wants have always been at the bottom. My viewpoint is if I'm happier everybody around me can be happier. But I'm wrong again.

If he decides he wants to divorce based on those things then I'm not what he needs to be happy anyway.
I'm glad you expanded on your situation. That puts it in an entirely different light.

I'm a little old fashioned about men working. They should work, they should work every day, and they should be eager about going to work.

There seems to be a set of traits associated with men that don't want to work regularly, and none of those traits are good.
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Old 03-09-2013, 10:14 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: He's Happy-He's Not Happy

He sounds selfish and childish. That doesn't make for a real good grown up marriage.

I just read your other post, called, "My fault not sure how to respond" ,Once again I stick to what I said above.

Last edited by Jamison; 03-09-2013 at 10:19 AM.
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Old 03-11-2013, 12:55 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm a little old fashioned about men working. They should work, they should work every day, and they should be eager about going to work.
This doesn't sound good.
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Old 03-11-2013, 01:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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This doesn't sound good.
Why not? You don't think men should work?

Obviously, I didn't mean 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. I meant holding down a regular job.

Honestly, the men I've know who wouldn't hold down a regular job (notice I said wouldn't, not couldn't due to a bad economy or physical problem) weren't worth a bucket of warm spit. I think the Bible is exactly right on this one: if a man doesn't provide for his own family he is worthless. (1 Tim 5:8)
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Old 03-11-2013, 02:15 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Why not? You don't think men should work?

Obviously, I didn't mean 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. I meant holding down a regular job.

Honestly, the men I've know who wouldn't hold down a regular job (notice I said wouldn't, not couldn't due to a bad economy or physical problem) weren't worth a bucket of warm spit. I think the Bible is exactly right on this one: if a man doesn't provide for his own family he is worthless. (1 Tim 5:8)
I still think it doesn't sound good. You have clarified the meaning somewhat, which makes it better, but on it's own it sounded very judgemental.

I agree - guys should work and all that, but I also know people who due to say an inheritance, or even an unsual talent, make a more-than-decent living, yet are able to decide when to work.

Hard work and regular work aren't always the same thing.

Again, I understand and agree with your meaning, but initially the phrase really rubbed me unpleasantly.
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