New here - name says it all
Hi, I have been lurking for some time and sad to see how many of us are in the same or very similar situations.
Seems that I am older than most of the posters - in early 50s and been married 30+ years.
Have been through so many issues with H, somehow we came through it all but the cracks in our marriage are so big that I don't think we can repair any more.
I don't want to hog the airways with my problems so just as a summary: got married very young, had a pretty equal marriage in the sense that we both worked, both supported our kids....
Things started going wrong about 15 years ago when my career took off, and his pretty much died on him.
His whole self identity is wrapped up in his lack of career success, and feeling inferior.
Infidelity issues followed, both of us.
We got over that crisis, and things seemed better for a while.
But then he slipped into a major depression and has been on AD medication for 2+ years now. I supported him through the whole thing.
Now he says he is not depressed, but he is almost disfunctional.
Sits for hours alone in front of the computer or TV, does not find joy in anything...He's like a grumpy old man. Pretty much no sex, no joy.
I feel so alone and lonely and just cannot take it any more.
He agrees and tells me that I should leave, as he cannot promise me any more than we have now, which is almost nothing. A shell of a marriage, a facade, and a whole load of sadness and loneliness.
I am an extrovert, passionate about life, want to enjoy work and life and love before I get to an age where it's really too late. I see that he is pulling me down into the black hole. He says the same and tells me he understands but doesn't think he can (wants to?) change.
We had a huge meltdown at the weekend and have agreed that we will separate this summer UNLESS he is able to turn things around and offer us a viable marriage. I have repeatedly asked him what I need to do, and he says nothing, it's all on him.
I feel completely drained, and helpless, as there is nothing else I can do but wait out these 3 months or so.
Part of me is optimistic that one way or another there will be change - either I move out and start to build a new life, or he miraculously (it WILL take a miracle) gets himself out of the funk and asks me to stay.
It's so so lonely as I am not discussing this with a living soul. He is in therapy but I am not. I have great GFs but don't want to discuss it. This is so not new and I feel like I am "crying wolf" by constantly discussing my marriage problems.
Right now I just need to wait out the 3 months, and then if we do separate I will tell everyone as a done deal....
Just posting here in case anyone has any thoughts, advice, or even a hug would be nice!