Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Talk About Divorce and Separation »Considering Divorce or Separation » Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

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Old 03-25-2013, 08:35 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

Think about this: "for better, for worse, sickness, health, have, hold, cherish for the rest of your life". Shouldn't it really be "I'll stay with you as long as you always do what I want or expect". It is harder to get married than to get divorced, if you don't have an important reason, make one up, it doesn't matter, hence the term "irreconcilable differences". I believe after a divorce is sought, there should be a court ordered marriage counseling for a few months to see if it is worth saving? My ex wanted a divorce after 8 years together because she wanted the freedom to be single again. Having me showering her with love & affection wasn't enough anymore & we had two young sons. When I wouldn't agree to a friendly split, she did the one thing that was a deal breaker to me, she cheated. She then filed, I agreed & we were done.
My point is most churches require premarital classes for the couple to realize the magnitude of what they are doing, but there is no repercussions to end it. It's no wonder why people choose living together over marriage, it's an even easier split. I'm not saying force yourself to be miserable for the rest of your life, but the couple should be forced to fix it, they chose it.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

I'm thinking 'marriage' is not worth it. I don't see any advantage to it over living together.

Doubt I would ever bother getting married again. What's the point?
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:46 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

All vows of any kind are nothing more than window dressing.
They're all worthless
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

You're right & how sad is that. Except for religious reasons, being married doesn't mean a thing, it just makes it a legal mess when you divorce.
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

to me their not.

better or worse, richer or poorer. it still means something to some of us.

parents married 40+ years, wifes parents married 50+ years.

consider your sources!
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Old 03-25-2013, 11:18 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

It means something to me as well. My point is, it takes two & most everyone on this forum has been short changed.
My parents have been married for 53 years & myself & siblings all have at least 16 yrs, I'm the only divorce, with my 1st wife for her cheating. My whole family believes in commitment, my wife, not so much?
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Old 03-25-2013, 12:09 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

Marriage is just the signing of a piece of paper followed by a party. If you fail to do the basic things a relationship requires your marriage will fail. Getting married is not a once and done activity, it doesnt mean you get to stop putting effort into the relationship, can stop going on dates, stop taking care of yourself physically, ignore your spouse, deny them intimacy, etc...

A lot of people are actually better off never getting married, they feel like their not tied down and yet they want the relationship to work and keep trying, much harder than they would if they were married.

Ask anyone who has been married 30+ years what kept their marriage alive, i bet not a single one will quote their wedding vows, hell i bet most people forget what their wedding vows within a few hours of the ceremony. What makes a marriage last are qualities like trust, compassion, attraction, empathy, common interests and goals, etc...
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Old 03-25-2013, 12:32 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

My wife and I had a ceremony but we were bonded before this. The vows we took to each other existed before the ceremony.

The vows I expressed to my wife were surely to her but were also to myself. I know many cannot understand this and that is fine. If I break my vows I not only break them with my wife, I break them to myself.

So faced with a situation where I could cheat and get away with it I would not for multiple reasons. I would know for one. I have passed on such opportunities.

As far as whether to marry or not, I get the discussion.
The practicalities. I have learned to face my fears though. So I would not fear marriage.
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Old 03-25-2013, 12:34 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toshiba2020 View Post
Marriage is just the signing of a piece of paper followed by a party. If you fail to do the basic things a relationship requires your marriage will fail. Getting married is not a once and done activity, it doesnt mean you get to stop putting effort into the relationship, can stop going on dates, stop taking care of yourself physically, ignore your spouse, deny them intimacy, etc...

A lot of people are actually better off never getting married, they feel like their not tied down and yet they want the relationship to work and keep trying, much harder than they would if they were married.

Ask anyone who has been married 30+ years what kept their marriage alive, i bet not a single one will quote their wedding vows, hell i bet most people forget what their wedding vows within a few hours of the ceremony. What makes a marriage last are qualities like trust, compassion, attraction, empathy, common interests and goals, etc...
I have been married 36 years. I do not remember what was written for the ceremony but I know what my vows are. I get the sentiment here.

And indeed love is inevitiably conditional.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 03-25-2013 at 01:00 PM.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:14 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

I'm the cynic here.

'Till death do us part means you stay regardless of adultery, regardless of cheating, regardless of physical or other abuse.

Not for me I'm afraid, the vows need to be amended.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:16 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

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I'm the cynic here.

'Till death do us part means you stay regardless of adultery, regardless of cheating, regardless of physical or other abuse.

Not for me I'm afraid, the vows need to be amended.
No this is not the vow I took. This would be my wife breaking hers. The vows can be broken by either partner. If my wife breaks her vows I get to divorce her.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:21 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

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No this is not the vow I took. This would be my wife breaking hers. The vows can be broken by either partner. If my wife breaks her vows I get to divorce her.
So you redefined Your vows?

Doesn't that already redefine the concept of marriage vows?

Everyone already picks or chooses one way or another...
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:31 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

I had live in boyfriends only until my late 30's. I didn't think vows or a wedding made one bit of difference, I'm committed or I'm not.

But I changed my mind. Once I did take vows and get legally married, it is harder to just up and leave.

It does mean something to me. It means I will try harder and do way more than I ever did in a relationship.

For those that are married, and not happy (sexless, cheating, etc)
don't you agree that if you were just dating someone... you woulda scrambled a long time ago?

Doesn't it make you try harder, if you are married?
Maybe just because it's legally harder... but it does mean something?

A friend told me that to her, marriage was staying together long enough to solve the problems and come back together. It cycles.
Dating meant hitting the road when the problem came up.
Just my view. From my side of the pond.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

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So you redefined Your vows?

Doesn't that already redefine the concept of marriage vows?

Everyone already picks or chooses one way or another...
No I did not. My wife and I took vows together. Either one of us can opt out at any time if the other breaks their part. Her breaking her vows releases me from mine and vice versa.

This has always been the case.

In no way am I saying the vows you took are the same as mine.
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Old 03-25-2013, 01:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Aren't marriage vows completely worthless?

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No I did not. My wife and I took vows together. Either one of us can opt out at any time if the other breaks their part. Her breaking her vows releases me from mine and vice versa.

This has always been the case.

In no way am I saying the vows you took are the same as mine.
Noo... I'm on your side (Actually I'm further away from the "vows" than you are).

My point however is that the "traditional/historical" definition of marriage is for life. Obviously, you have triggers that could enable you or your wife to leave the marriage, which is already changing the core of historical marriage.

This is neither here nor there, it's just an observation. One way or another, personalized vows or cheating/divorce, we all change the ancient definition.
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