My husband is choosing his dog over me?
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:10 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband is choosing his dog over me?

I have been with my husband for 4 years. We have always lived separate. My lease is up and I want to move in with him, but he has a dog I am allergic to. He is a big dog, an Australian Cattle Dog...he barks and bites and sheds everywhere. He said he would keep the dog in a room with a door that goes outside, but honestly, I don't believe this is a good compromise as I am an asthmatic and am very allergic to him. I don't want to not go into that room. I also have insomnia and a disabled back, so I am already operating at a disadvantage. I told him to get a shed with an A/C and a chair and the dog can live here and the back yard. He won't do that. So, he is in essence, choosing his dog over me or my needs. It is very hurtful and I would leave, but I could lose my job soon and would have no options, so I am operating from fear. I love him and we get along, but this is such a tough issue. Every time I talk to someone out this, they say it is a no-brainer and I come over a dog. I believe this in my heart, but would hate to lose my husband. Ideas please?
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

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I have been with my husband for 4 years. We have always lived separate. My lease is up and I want to move in with him,
Are you sure this is about the dog?

It sounds as if you live in the same area so why do you live separately?
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Old 04-20-2013, 10:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

We live 40 minutes away from each other and I know him pretty well, and yes, I assume the dog is an issue, but I guess it could be something else, but I certainly don't know what? He is selfish. He smokes, I don't, he smokes pot, I don't, he sleeps with his dog that I am allergic to and I want the dog out of the house. I don't know. Maybe he is selfish. I just need advice.
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Old 04-21-2013, 01:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

Why did u marry him in the first place? If this was to be the arrangement you had when u married, why is it an issue now? or has this been a recent change? Did you know he was selfish when u first met/got married? Did he smoke pot/smoked period when u first met/married? Why was it ok then, but not now?

Not enough info to make an opinion.
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Old 04-21-2013, 07:05 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

You've "been with" your husband for 4 hears.....um...no. You haven't been with him as husband and wife at all.

Then you said you would "leave him"....um...no. You aren't even with him. Where would you leave to? An hour away?
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Old 04-21-2013, 07:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default My husband is choosing his dog over me?

It appears to me there is more to this story than simply husband chooses dog over wife. For instance, if you are married and a 40 minute drive apart, you have never spent time with your husband where he and the dog live and, if so, how did you handle your allergies then as it sounds like the dog has the run of the place. This is the first time this issue of the dog has come up? My wife is allergic to cats and we discussed that before we married and the cats in my life were dealt with before the marriage. You and hubby have never discussed this before?
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:22 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

I married him because I love him. When we first met, the dog was young, I was in a lease and he said it will be hard to give him up...well, I guess that changed. He never smoked pot when we got married; he started one year or so into it. I thought it would be a once in awhile thing and it is an every day thing.


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Why did u marry him in the first place? If this was to be the arrangement you had when u married, why is it an issue now? or has this been a recent change? Did you know he was selfish when u first met/got married? Did he smoke pot/smoked period when u first met/married? Why was it ok then, but not now?

Not enough info to make an opinion.
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:24 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

No, he comes to my place because my face breaks out in a red rash when I go to his. The dog, the dirt, the everything. Something in his house makes me allergic and I can't breathe. So, we are technically married, but see each other just once or twice a week...at my place, a place I need to leave in 4 weeks, with no place to go.


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You've "been with" your husband for 4 hears.....um...no. You haven't been with him as husband and wife at all.

Then you said you would "leave him"....um...no. You aren't even with him. Where would you leave to? An hour away?
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:26 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

I guess I always thought he would do the right thing. He thinks he is compromising by keeping the dog in one room with a dog door, but that is just not going to cut it. That room would be filled with dog hair and I could never go into that room, his office, guest room, etc. And, when he goes to visit the dog in the room, he will exit with dog hair all over him. His car is filled with white hair and the dog does not even go in the car, so he sheds like crazy.


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It appears to me there is more to this story than simply husband chooses dog over wife. For instance, if you are married and a 40 minute drive apart, you have never spent time with your husband where he and the dog live and, if so, how did you handle your allergies then as it sounds like the dog has the run of the place. This is the first time this issue of the dog has come up? My wife is allergic to cats and we discussed that before we married and the cats in my life were dealt with before the marriage. You and hubby have never discussed this before?
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

If he won't get rid of the dog in favor if his wife what kind of husband do you have?
What does that tell you about how he values you?

Knowing how allergic you are and being aware that you'd be moving in I would have asked you months ago to start helping me to find a good home for the dog.
It's really the only acceptable reaction.

Pressuring him to get rid of the dog will only create resentment for both if you.
Not that you have pressured him.
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Old 04-21-2013, 08:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

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If he won't get rid of the dog in favor if his wife what kind of husband do you have? A selfish one.
What does that tell you about how he values you? He may value me, but not the way I need to be valued.

Knowing how allergic you are and being aware that you'd be moving in I would have asked you months ago to start helping me to find a good home for the dog. He said he will not rid of the dog, and believe me, I have been trying. The only logical thing is to build a shed for him with an A/C.
It's really the only acceptable reaction. He said he would be torn apart to lose his dog, but he is about to be w/out a wife.

Pressuring him to get rid of the dog will only create resentment for both if you. It already has.
Not that you have pressured him. I have. I have tried to be gentle, but that does not seem to have worked, so I took it up a notch last night. He just remained quiet saying we can come up with a solution. There is only one solution for me; have him live outside. That is my compromise. Ideally, he would be re-homed as he is a farm dog living in a tiny house, getting fat and unhealthy. He is not an inside dog. Believe me, if he had some small dog or non-allergenic dog, I would be as happy as heck to have a dog.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:32 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

Is it viable for the dog to live outside?

Is there a fenced in yard where you could set the dog up like you said with a shed or doghouse
Could there be a fenced in yard or is he dead set against that compromise as well?

Because honestly that's a better solution for the dog than his idea of a room for it.

I'm just having such a hard time "getting" this.
I understand people become very attached to their animals but to put a pet above a wife in the pecking order just blows my mind.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:33 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

Why the decision to live together now after 4 years? Thats the part I don't get.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:34 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Why the decision to live together now after 4 years? Thats the part I don't get.
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She said she was in a lease that is up soon
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:38 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband is choosing his dog over me?

Yea I understand lease is ending, but I highly doubt this is the first time the lease is expiring in the 4 years since the marriage started.

Maybe i'm just old, old fashioned, I would have wanted to be "living with" my wife since day 1. Deciding to give it a go after 4 years, shouldn't be surprised you've grown apart in more ways than just the dog.
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