09-15-2009, 09:51 AM
Join Date: Jun 2009
| | Re: Very beginning and lots of questions
I've done the separation thing "together" but only because it was a requirement to get divorced.
You cannot separate together if you actually want reconciliation. Separation in the legal sense means doing your own thing and you can't get torqued out about it when the other person acts on a separation you suggested.
You don't want to be separated. So don't be separated.
You also don't know that your wife doesn't care for you. What you know is that she's felt trapped. As a mom I can tell you that I understand that feeling. The lion's share of the parenting usually falls on the mother. We also often have jobs and outside interests and when you've heard, "Mom?" for the 3000th time in a day, it makes you want to change your name.
Secondly, we've been sold a bill of goods that we can "have it all." We cannot. But still in the backs of our minds, we want it all... oh, and to be fulfilled. HA! Right. The only way to be happy is to reduce your expectations and cut back on obligations. Oh, and to have a husband who SEES what needs to be done and does it. Correlary to that is to be willing to point out what needs to be done and have him do it w/o argument or passive-aggressive forgetting, etc.
OK. Where are you now?
#1, she needs to have this other man cut off at the knees.
#2, you need to romance her like it was your first date.
#3, hold your tongue. A barrage of feelings is going to come out of both of you -- save it for your therapist.