Is it worth saving?

SallyS · 08-27-2009, 07:53 PM

I am new to forums. My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I all but kicked him out a few months ago. For the entire time we have been together, I feel like nothing has ever been good enough for him. He used to criticize everything I did. The house was never clean enough, I was too clumsy, I did everything wrong from painting to throwing up. When I was pregnant he actually told me I was throwing up wrong when I had horrible morning sickness. We have had lots of arguments and until a few months ago, they always took the same pattern: he would flip out about something I had done or not done, I would cry, he would threaten divorce, and then I would beg him to try to work it out. Finally, I got sick of being the one who wanted to work it out. And I decided I was never going to be any neater or any less clumsy. (And I am NOT that messy). His definition of clutter is a little crazy. There were rooms in house growing up that he was not allowed into and others that he had to vacuum his way out of. No kidding. So I have had an enormous amount of compassion and forgiveness. He was verbally and physically abused as a child. Until three months ago, he would refuse to go to therapy. Claimed it was all my fault, etc. Then when I finally got serious and asked him to leave, the tables turned. He begged me to stay, promised he would go to therapy, etc. I felt as though he was two different people- the happy and the angry/mean. And I loved the happy version and absolutely hated the mean version. So he went to therapy for awhile and the blowups went away for awhile. But last week, we got into another argument over a car he wanted to buy that we did not need. I said no because we have to pay for daycare that we didn't have to pay for before and we have no savings, so having a third car payment just didn't make sense. He flipped when I told him no...lots of hurtful things said... then hours later apologizes and admits that I was right about the truck. I just feel very apathetic toward the entire situation, almost like I would like something big and terrible to happen so I could leave and not feel badly. Any suggestions?

jsniceguy · 08-27-2009, 10:23 PM

I think the suggestion that you gave me is the best - take care of yourself - be strong and if it is worth saving it will come around. If the fights had stopped for a while - that would indicate to me that there is some hope.

preso · 08-28-2009, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SallyS

For the entire time we have been together, I feel like nothing has ever been good enough for him. He used to criticize everything I did. The house was never clean enough, I was too clumsy, I did everything wrong from painting to throwing up. When I was pregnant he actually told me I was throwing up wrong when I had horrible morning sickness. We have had lots of arguments and until a few months ago, they always took the same pattern: he would flip out about something I had done or not done,

his definition of clutter is a little crazy. There were rooms in house growing up that he was not allowed into and others that he had to vacuum his way out of.

Sounds like my ex.
It was only after meeting someone like my ex did I believe there were actually people who were like that... perfectionistic.
I never met anyone like him before.
I couldn't drive my car right and couldn't do anything right.

Was amazing to me since I never had been in a car accident, owned my own home and managed quite well before I met him.. lol
Don't know what to tell you except to get in touch with your inner self and remember who you are.