09-07-2009, 08:29 AM
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: St. Louis MO
| | Re: I don't understand her behavior.
Yep since we are on the same family plan i can log in and note every day and time of the calls, texts, etc...That's the weird thing is there is NOTHING there. I work in the tech industry so am pretty savvy about how to do some of this stuff including add'l things that quite frankly would scare the pants off people to know can be done. I can track almost everything with the exception of facebook type postings that go via sms subscriptions to a cell phone. In that case the person sending the message is shrouded behind a facebook cloud and the other thing i can't grab is the content of the text messages. The only thing I can assume is that when I sent the kids and her to a trip to Thailand and Korea (I didn't have the vacation and couldn't go because we own a couple of small businesses and I use vacay time for the businesses) this summer when she got back things deteriorated FAST so something must have happened there with someone on the trip but not sexually because there were 21people around and shared rooms all the time. i think she has a pipe dream in her head of something that "could be" with someone from the trip because she seems a little defensive about it.
Now, as an update to all of you:
Stardate Captains log 90709: She wakes me up at 6 this morning and says she doesn't want to go to the counseling appointment we have set up tomorrow because she has made up her mind that she doesn't want to fix things. I asked her why and she says she doesn't love me and its not important to fix things for her and she isn't sure that we were ever right for each other to begin with. I was incredulous and asked her so 21 years of being together "might" have been a mistake for you? 3 beautiful kids, a beautiful home etc.... was something that coincidentally you accrued.
I told her the purpose of the counseling was not to "save" our marriage but was to effectuate change. 1. We figure out a way to be more civil and nice to each other which would bode well either during a split or a reconciliation. 2. We make our our mind that the change of separation is right for one or both of us. 3. We decide that we can and do want to stay together and be a loving couple again.
I think she is scared of what will come out. I know it actually and i think her concern is that it will force her to deal with the real issue. She acquiesced finally and said she'd go which is I think huge. Her other "interest" will come out--not by me but I think any skilled therapist will get to that in short order. That should be interesting.
The other thing is i asked her after this opening salvo on her part this morning was if she had thought through the implications of this all. She responded yes in terms of family, friends etc...I said no I was really thinking about the complexities of our lives and how intertwined they were. I asked her if she thought about what the divorce would cost us in terms of dollars from our assets? More on the next post on this subject.